The final countdown has begun.

In less than one hour, we will leave the Upper Valley.

Trey, Ashley and Donner, once again, are left with a house, shall we say, "well lived in". Hopefully they will deal with the mess.



Reykjavik, here we come

Eighteen hours and 40 minutes

I am Max.
And yes, I do belong on the kitchen table.

Forty-Three Hours and twenty minutes.

First, before I forget, happy Stonewall Day to you all. I hope your riots were fun and productive!

Yes, in less than two days a jet will leave Portland International Airport en route to an exotic destination. Okay, that isn’t exactly the truth, as that plane will land in Seattle, where there will be a connection available that departs for Reykjavik. And from there, Paris, Avignon, Carcassonne and Lourdes. Dare I say ‘a dream vacation’.

I have learned some key phrases for the trip.

“Une coupe de champagne, s’il vous plaît”. It translates to, “Give me some champagne now, and no one gets hurt.”

“Excusez-moi, mais parlez vous englais, porquoi je ne comprend pas quand vous dit?” It translates to, “Dude, speak English and we gonna get along just fine. Keep speaking in tongues and we gonna have an issue or two.”

“Spreekt u het Nederlands?” It translates to, “If you can speak Dutch, we can chat for hour about the five boys jumping off the table. ‘Vijf youngen springen op de tafel’ or something like that.” It is designed for very specialized conversations.

“I won’t go home, I won’t go home. You can’t make me.” That one is pretty much universal. But it comes later.

9 days, 8 hours and 2 minutes

Happy Solstice
Party at Stonehenge.

13 days, 21 hours and 41 minutes.

It is a terrifying trend.

A snippet of Hood River’s high temperatures for 2010:

May 14th, 76 degrees; June 14th, 66 degrees.
March 15th, 66 degrees; June 15th, 58 degrees.
February 16th, 62 degrees; June 16th, 60 degrees.

I can’t be the only person who sees an alarming movement. I'm not advocating global warming, but how about giving me some seasonal warming!

13 days, 22 hours and 7 minutes.

Peonies and Raindrops. Right now, only one of them could be classified as 'one of my favorite things'.

14 days, 6 hours and 34 minutes.

But who's counting.

Troublesome News.

Gay men are officially thinner than heterosexual men. It's all over the news.

There are straight men less rotund than me.

What happens if I get voted off the list?

I don’t think I can start over as a breeder. It's too late. It ain't my style.

I guess I need to lose some weight.

A Tidbit of Information.

I learned something new today, just when we all thought that was impossible.



Kalama Middle/High School, the school where my father started his illustrious teaching career, was used for scenes in the movie “Twilight”. (It was Forks High School in the movie.)

I admit I have never seen, nor will I probably ever see the movie “Twilight” or any of its children or spin-offs, but I understand it is pretty much a phenomenon of untold fame and fortune. It warms me that something attached to my father is as loved as he (albeit in a completely different style).

Bloomin' in the Rain

Auntie Bea's irises are just opening their show!

Unidentified Flying Object.

This is so weird; you aren’t going to believe it.

Yesterday started as usual. At 6:00AM, Ralph jumped up on the bed and gave me a quick, wet lick across the face, as if to say, “Come on, sleepy head. What you wanna do today?”

“Please, Ralph. I just want to sleep another hour. I was up past midnight last night. Please, just one more hour.”

“No can do, mister. You’ve got to get up, now.”

Sadly, he was right. I had to pee like a race horse. I stumbled to the bathroom, relieved myself and stumbled back to bed. Ralph had insinuated himself into my spot, his head resting on the pillow as he snored away. Sigh. I trotted out to the kitchen (“trotted” my ass, I lurched) to make coffee. I couldn’t help but notice the sky out the door. It had this strange azure cast to it. It was totally bizarre.

Well, a few minutes later, after Ralph and Trixie had decided it was time to go out and I was trying to sip down my first jolts of caffeine, the dogs started barking like there was no tomorrow. So I reeled to the back door, threw it open and stepped out on the porch with them.

Oh My God! There it was: this huge yellow ball in the eastern sky. It was so bright it hurt to stare at it. At first it terrified me. I trembled in my little booties. But then, out of nowhere, I began to feel this amazing warmth. It gave a pleasure I can barely imagine, much less describe. It was totally awesome. I broke into the Hallelujah Chorus.

I hope it returns someday.

NEWS FLASH!

Today is National Donut Day! Drop whatever you are doing and run to the nearest donut shop! Do it for the good of humanity! Do it because it is the right and just thing to do!

My Notes on the Golden Girls

I admit that I watched the Golden Girls with some regularity back in the day. I enjoyed the humor. Damn, old people can be funny.

Estelle, Betty, Bea and Rue made the show work. The program was witty and timely. Maybe even ahead of its time. It may have been the first prime time network show with a gay character (who lasted for about two episodes. But they tried.)

And Blanche Devereaux, every gay man’s role model! Damn, there is hope after retirement.

I admit I have seen reruns lately. The show isn’t as ahead of the times as it was. In fact, it is dated. The humor isn’t quite as witty as it was in the ‘80s.

But the Golden Girls reaffirmed a basic tenet for me. Life ends when you lose the ability to laugh.

To Estelle, Bea and Rue; you were the best. To Betty; you go girl! Keep us laughing!

Farewell, Rue

I'm gonna miss you!

It's True!

I can personally vouch for it!

Kennessee

On June 1 in 1792 and 1796 respectively, Kentucky and Tennessee became the 14th and 15th state to be admitted to the Union. I have been to both Kentucky and Tennessee and therefore, in my mind, I am an expert on the subject(s). I would like to share some valuable information with you.

On paper, they pretty much look the same. They are both short and wide, or in Politically Correct phraseology, height challenged. Neither should wear horizontal stripes. It would be a major fashion faux pas. Kentucky’s capital is Frankfort, while Tennessee’s capitol is Nashville. Nine letters in both of the cities names. Kentucky’s nickname is ‘The Bluegrass State’. Tennessee’s nickname is ‘The Volunteer State’. Seventeen letters in both of the state’s nicknames. I’m sure you’re seeing the eerie common denominators. Not to freak you out, but they both have a state bird.

I hear you, I hear you. They are one state. Let’s just call them Tenntucky and be done with it.

You are sadly mistaken.

These two states couldn’t be more different if they tried.

Kentucky’s iconic city is Louisville; Tennessee’s is Memphis. No similarity. Kentucky has a county named McCracken. No county by that great name in Tennessee. Kentucky’s name makes sense when you realize the state was branded after Barbie’s boyfriend, Ken Tucker. Tennessee’s name makes no sense at all. Tennessee Williams: Kentucky Hmm Can’t Think of No One. The list goes on and on.

And what would we do with the extra star on the flag?