You’ve all heard the catch phrase.

Forty is the new thirty: fifty is the new forty.

Let me submit to you: fifty-three is the new ninety-seven.

I worked in the back-forty yesterday. I had kind of let it be Saint-Heaven and had ignored its degeneration. But Ralph and Trixie have finally settled, somewhat, so I felt it was time to reclaim the wilderness.

Armed with shovel, rake, hand saw, clippers, gloves, trowel and a determination only negated by my physical strength, I attacked. Lord knows I did a good three hours of hard physical labor, spread out of eight or nine hours.

And today I am paying in spades. Getting out of bed this morning was agony. No, getting out of bed wasn’t agony; that was a thrill ride as I tumbled off the mattress. The agony didn’t start until I hit the floor. I would have crawled to the kitchen, but my arms weren’t capable, so I slithered on my belly.

The only part of my body that doesn’t hurt is a small portion of my forehead (upper left quadrant). The rest of the pain on my face comes from an unfortunate encounter with a mulberry branch.

It’s time to trade Richard in on a young, sweet yard-boy.

One might think…

… that after five years, I would be used to orphandom. Or is that orphanhood. There is so much still to learn.

But no, I still miss Mom and Dad.

I'm not saying the shoe fits

But it is so damn close. ("Pickles": the comic strip... I say this so no one thinks I did the comic myself - just trying to avoid a jail term.)

Diary of a Mad Jurist

I spent the day in jury duty. I am not angry, but the panel is out as to whether I am crazed or not.

I can’t actually say I like jury duty, but I do find it interesting and I learn from the diverseness of the experience.

Today I learned how to get out of serving on a jury. All you need to do is show up five minutes late, drunk off your ass, have a trial date on the next business day for the court and have your defense attorney work at the same firm as the defense attorney working the case to be tried that day. (And no, I didn’t personally get out of duty today, but thanks for asking.)

And, us unbelievable as it may be, in Hood River County, the jury does not have the right to impose the death penalty for serial jay walking. Boy, were we stunned.

It’s my civic duty and I am proud to have served, even if there is a serial jay walker who will live to cross the streets in the middle of the block one more time.

Let the technological wars begin!

I hate to sound like a nimrod, but… well if the shoe fits, wear it.

My cell phone and I had a minor argument last night. It seems the poor little mechanical cousin of satan was nearing a power failure and felt the need to announce its predicament to everyone in the house. With its last, faltering breath it issued an awkward squawk to let us know that a lasting silence was eminent. Okay, it wasn’t its last breath and a lasting silence wasn’t eminent. Every time I started to doze off again, the little scalawag screeched. This went on for a significant period of time before I reached the unfortunate conclusion that I was going to have to do something: something drastic.

Richard is such a pragmatic and logical man. As I came back up from the basement with the sledgehammer in my hands (so many of life’s little annoyances can be resolved with a gentle tap from a sledgehammer), he suggested that I just turn the little feller off, rather than smashing it to smithereens. However, in the dark of the night, that is easier said than done. I carried the little miscreant out into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator door for light. Ahh, the light came on. The little bastard screamed the night away in the refrigerator.

Justice is sweet when served cold.

Bon Anniversaire à ma sœur. (Happy Birthday to my sister.)

Karla, your birthday card would be on the way, but the USPS forgot to pick it up from the kitchen table yesterday (and today)!

They are such losers!

Prop 8 overturned.

Life is good.

And before you think it was “liberal, activist judges and lawyers” who nullified the proposition, read the quotes from CBSNews.com.

The judge who rule on the case was described as, “The longtime federal judge was appointed by President Reagan.” Admittedly, judges can change their conservative for liberal stripes (or vice versa), but he wasn’t one of those commie sympathizers nominated by a Democrat.

But the big surprise was the two lawyers who worked for gay rights.

“Former U.S. Solicitor General Theodore Olson delivered the closing argument for opponents of the ban. He told Judge Walker that tradition or fears of harm to heterosexual unions were legally insufficient grounds to discriminate against gay couples.”

“Olson teamed up with David Boies to argue the case, bringing together the two litigators best known for representing George W. Bush and Al Gore in the disputed 2000 election.”

Hmm, could gays and lesbian be the unifying force in this country?