Happy birthday, Tour Eiffel

I wish I could be there to help you celebrate your 125th birthday in person. But alas, I can not.

Let the champagne flow!

From the cover of the June 2013 OPB magazine

I can't really tell you why, but I have loved this picture since the first time I saw it.

I've saved a dated TV guide, because...

Time to share it with the world and be done with it.

Recycling bin, here you come!

It is over

I can no longer call Richard’s cell and hear his voice. I had it disconnected, and it was immediate. Saving big bucks, but it was hard.

I was able to do the change on our satellite TV account online. It was easier. I could just type in that Richard was gone. But with AT&T I had to call. I couldn’t figure out their website. So I had to say it out loud, to real human being.

She was kind and benevolent. She consoled me in my loss.

But it doesn’t change the fact, Richard is gone. And I have canceled another connection with him. 

Perhaps

If you don't live with Max, this isn't that funny!

Just a funny

I found among Richard's things. Seems more like my sense of humor!

Budgeting for the new reality.

I’ve spent the last few days working on a budget to see if I could really maintain my lifestyle on my current wages.

It really isn’t bad. I was even able to tuck away a shekel or two for vacation. Yes, I could afford to drive to Mosier, have a beer and drive home two times every year! Well, I could drive most of the way home. I'd have to stop at the Odell Highway intersection and hitchhike from there.

And don’t worry, I tucked some money aside in the budget for essentials, like water and cat food.  And, of course, for kitty litter there is a separate journal entry, and it is a big journal.

Sometimes, you curse your life choices, even though they were right at the time, and then…

Oregon PERS calls. I knew that Richard had an account with Oregon’s Public Employees Retirement System, and I knew that I was going to get his benefits for 103 more weeks. And trust me, that $250.00 was firmly planted in my budget. But there was another side to PERS, that while I was aware of, I wasn’t sure how it worked and if there was any benefit for me. Well, apparently there is something in the neighborhood of a really big amount of cash in this account, and they are sending me paperwork so I can claim it.

Okay, when I say a really big amount of cash, we ain’t talking the sums that would impress most of my sisters, but it is, by the skin of its teeth, five digits, (before the decimal.)

Okay, I think Richard is paying for his funeral, and sending me to Europe one last time.

I will carry him with me, through every street and nook and cranny, even if it wouldn’t have been his first choice of destination. Or maybe I will go to Italy in his honor. Or maybe I will go to Estonia, or perhaps Croatia, or maybe explore Iceland more completely. Whoa, anyone up for a couple weeks in Albania?

And yes, a previously unknown picture surfaced.

He is so handsome!

It's spring

Anyone care to explain why I had to scrape my car's windows this morning?

I look hard for a new photo

There are no new pictures.

He is gone.

Happy 105th, Aunt Kathryn

Bet you're dancing a jig up in heaven!

Just another picture

I wish I would have found this sooner!

The dresser is gone.

And a new room begins to emerge!

Realities are not my friends.

I pull my pick-up into the driveway after work. I see Richard’s car setting in the drive. “Good, he’s home.”

Yes, even after it has all sunk in and tears are streaming down my face, there still is a part of me that wants to run into the house, because he really might be home. And there is the side that wants to curl into a fetal ball and spend the rest of my life in the driver’s seat of a 2002 GMC pick-up.

I glance into the living room and see Richard sitting in his chair, by the glow of the TV.

No, the TV isn’t on. And yes, Richard’s chair is empty. But for a second, a brief nanosecond he was here. He was home. Reality can’t steal that from me. And I still check back every few minutes. Just in case.

I call him from my cell. He answers. He says the same thing every time, but he answers. He’s home.

I remember reading an article about people who call their late “whatever” just to listen to their voice. I thought it was perverted and well, odd. Then damn it, call me queer

I picked up my copies of Richard’s death certificates today. Now there is reality fucking with my fantasies. Big time.

Maybe if I just refuse to ever look at them.

Yeah, that might do the trick.

For sale (in Gorge Classifieds)

It was once a high quality chest of drawers, but years and years of use have tarnished its luster. Beautiful marquetry, sadly damaged, a missing mirror and damaged top surface still leave a high quality dresser.

C'est Fini!

Fini until I decide fini-no-more!

And you will be pleased to know.

The new bed has achieved Max's highest award:

The Good Catkeeping Award of Comfort!

(Even with the dowdy old bedspread from years gone by.)

The bed is here! The bed is here!

It's like, not horrible. I am totally amazed!

Still need to get appropriate bedding. And finish painting the trim. That would be good!

Slowly, but surely

It's returning to a usable state!

It's starting to come back together

And now the yellow is done!

Yeah, I'm with you. Be still my heart!

The Painting Project - the white is done!

Before

After

Before

After

Pretty unimpressive, ain't it?

A New look

Whaddya think?

The insult of it all.

That nasty, nasty cat must go.

Love,

Tillie

If I could sing

This is what it would sound like.

Sorry for the comercial.

And I guess it wouldn't hurt if I were totally cute and adorable. But I really don't do cute and adorable. Crotchety and tolerable is more my style.

I love you, Richard!

George Perris - Somewhere by george_perris

An open letter to Richard James Parker

I can’t believe you’re gone.

Did I say something to offend you? You could have just told me. You didn’t have to be so dramatic.

I jest. Drama was your career, but not your life. I have never met anyone more honest or more sincere. Or more stoic. You were who you were. I could accept that or run for the hills. Yes, you knew famous people. I dug that information out of you. But you didn’t stake your worth on people you knew. You were Richard Parker, and you were an amazing man. I am in awe.

I bought a new bed today. The old one was too big for the room and the cats had shredded it and it was sagging. And I bought a new bed today. It won’t be delivered for a week. I can treasure our old bed for seven more nights. I bought a new bed today. Is that being unfaithful?

You were always the one who could keep his act together. Unless it was the passing of a pet; you were as in love with the dogs and cats as I am. Yes, I cry at the drop of a hat. In private that is no problem. In real time, there are some issues. Only once at work today, and that was with a woman I have known for years. All-in-all I am doing okay.

Richard, I still love you. I always will.

Forever, dude!