Laying the kitchen flooring!

7:00AM – I awaken fresh and ready to lay my new laminate flooring in the kitchen. I brew a pot of coffee and enjoy its aromatic flavor as I quick check emails and college football scores.

8:00AM – I start laying the floor. Okay, I screw up cutting the first piece. No problem, I’ve ordered more than I needed, expecting some waste. (This was per the manufacturer’s advice. Apparently, they have seen me work before. ) It takes a little finagling and some brute force, but I get the first row down and locked together. I am so proud of myself; some might call me cocky and arrogant. This is so easy I should be done by lunch.

9:00AM – I start the second row. The first piece goes in, piece of cake. I do a little happy dance and go to set the second piece in the row. This one just isn’t snapping into place like it is suppose to. I try everything except standing on my head, and trust me I seriously contemplated that maneuver; I just couldn’t work out the “tapping” detail in my noggin.

10:00AM – I am desperate. I finally read the instructions. I look nothing like the happy person who is setting the planks with no problems. I’m thinking he’s already had a couple of margaritas and those pesky little gaps in the flooring no longer carry any serious consequences in his mind. The dude is crazy and it shows.

11:00AM – Some cat is ralphing in another room. I don’t know which cat or which room, but I know I have a delightful surprise waiting for me somewhere. It is raining outside. There is a good side to that: the yard needs watering. Unfortunately, my staging area is on the back deck; the uncovered back deck. You will note the 11:00 picture this looks seriously like the 9AM picture. That is only because you can’t hear the cursing and primal screams between the 9AM picture and the 11AM picture. Now I understand why there is an advertisement for Dewar’s Scotch at the bottom of the instruction page. I’ll just check college football scores one more time.

Noon – It isn’t raining, it is pouring. I have brought all the tools into the living room. I would set up a mock staging area, but the living room is crammed full of all the stuff that used to be in the kitchen. There is no room. I guess I will take my lunch break and see what happens in a few.

It’s been a productive day.

I should feel guilty that I didn’t go to work and earn a living when I was feeling so well, but I don’t. I was down enough on Tuesday and Wednesday that I think I should get some good time to me. And I worked around the house.

The skylight is finit!

I fought back in forth in my mind, in an unkind and vicious manner as only a civil war can be fought in my head, between white and the kind-of green that I used for the trim in the rest of the bedroom. As you can see, the almost-green won.

I emptied the kitchen so I can start laying the floor as early as possible tomorrow.

Okay, so technically the stove is still in kitchen, but it can’t leave until tomorrow morning, as it will cut off entrance to the bathroom, and cutting off the bathroom from a man who drinks gallons and gallons of water for longer than necessary is a stupid idea.

I'm easily impressed.

I was impressed with the sea of logs left after the trees were felled.

I’m equally, if not more impressed with the organized (stacked might be overstating their condition)logs.

And I'm impressed I had the energy to do all the organizing. I think I wore myself out yesterday afternoon. I’m taking an easy day today.

Another exciting adventure in Hooterville

I got up this morning and finished trimming out the skylight. Actually, not quite. I can’t find my nail sets (yes, I have more than one). I’m sure one of the rotating sisters used them and put them away in the wrong place. That is the only possible way they could have disappeared. But I digress. I still need to set the nails, but other than that it is trimmed out. Oh, and it needs to be primed and painted, but that is after the nails are set. Then it is done.

After working on the skylight, I got myself all gussied up and drove into town. Yes, I drove all the way into town. I took in the recycling, stopped by the doctor’s office to leave a form to be filled out, picked up a prescription, did some banking, bought groceries and found, by gosh and begorrah, I was hungry. And sadly I was near a McDonalds.

So I donned the mourning veil I keep in the car for just these occasions and stepped into the restaurant (and I use the term “restaurant” loosely). When it came my turn, and I was in line before the snot-nosed little punk kid who tried to cut in front of me, I ordered a Big Mac Meal (okay, my name is Mac, I’m in McDonalds… what do you expect me to order). Of course, I use my best southern drawl while requesting my meal, just so no one could recognize my voice.

I skulked over to a table with my tray of goodies. I would love to tell you it tasted terrible, but it was really quite nummie. I am embarrassed.

But a truly positive side, it sure cured my constipation.

Oh, and the ferns aren't dead!

I was going to write an essay about how much fun my last three days have been

But I fell asleep in the first paragraph. It could be the opiates that are coursing through my veins, or it could be that my life has been boring. Frankly, I’m voting for a combination of the two. No trees falling, no new windows, but I do still have one enormous tree trunk occupying the land where I want to plant my new plants (or right behind the land, and I know the new plants would get destroyed when they finally come to pull it out.) So, I continue to wait.

Except the ferns: they can and do have a new permanent home. 

Let’s hope they survive.

On 11-11-22, I turn 66.

Does anyone else see the significance?

Put it on your calendar. Party time: time and place to be announced.

Nothing is final yet, but...

For the most part, I have been very happy with the treatment I have received at Providence. There is one area they fell way short of my expectations. The tattoos they gave me are ridiculous. I need to come up with better uses of the four points the inked on my body.

For those of you who don’t know, I received four tiny tattoos, one at the top of my chest, one at the bottom and one on each side. They are less than impressive. I’ve stopped showing them off because everyone is underawed to see them.

Right now I am thinking Celtic symbols to embolden the tattoos.

At the top of my chest:

Its meaning is Mind, Body, Spirit. It also references the family.

And for the bottom of my chest:

It signifies love.

And on the sides:

The four points: it has a number of meanings, but my favorite is referring to the four Celtic holidays, Samhain, Beltane, Imbolc and Lughnasadh. I’ve always loved a party!

This is a quick reference to life.

What better way to say fuck you cancer. I’m going to take the stupid little momentos you gave me and transform them into something neat!

It is official.

I am a sick puppy!

Okay, you already knew that, but… It turns out that my tumor has shrunk significantly. It is almost to the point where they couldn’t find it, but find it they did. And it turns out that all those tests I took, the PET scan and the MRI were good news, but (and this is a big but) the tumor has grown into my first rib.

The minimally invasive surgery I was hoping for is out the window. Instead, the kind thoracic surgeon will first put me on my back and cut the first rib in a couple of places, then roll me over on my belly and come in from the back and take out the tumor, the top lobe of my right lung and my top rib. More information than I wanted, but I guess I needed to know.

The surgery is scheduled for 7:30AM on Friday, September 5^th. The procedure will take about 4 hours and I should be in the hospital for 5 days.

Yee haw, let the fun begin!

And I'm sure you all wanted to see the painted closet doors

Complete with the ever present cat tail.

And the new and improved Cat Pantry

I know you were all dying to see the new shelves. 

If only I had some white paint!

The story of a cat and his new toy.

Yes, Tom is sitting proudly with his new die. Now, most cats would be head over heels to get a new toy, especially a die to bat around the house with wanton abandon. And when they learned it was filled with catnip, all hell would break loose as the cat and his toy played and played and played until the sated feline staggered off for an obligatory nap.

Not Tom, not Max. They looked at the toy, then looked at me as if I had finally gone over the edge. If I didn’t occasionally bat the die around, it would get no use.

Who would think I would raise cats that are opposed to drugs? Go figure.

Once, this was a deadly tree.

Twice it dropped demon limbs that damaged the house. But now it is just a harmless stub, awaiting its timely demise.

And it does have its art.

On the left is the ubiquitous tree rabbit. The only thing that makes this tree rabbit unusual is that he is wearing earphones. No one would ever guess that he needed assistance in hearing anything. Probably he is listening to NPR.

To the right is the tree weasel that is rare by disposition. Most weasels prefer Wall Street type environs.

The end.

Kitty prison

Yesterday, while the gentleman was replacing the front window, I shut the cats in the bathroom to avoid stray cats roaming the highway. I’m sure that, like me, you were expecting loud name calling, fisticuffs and general mayhem with the two cats shut together in such a small space. And that is what happened: for the first 14 seconds. Then, the two cats entered competition mode. Which fuzzy feline could escape the evil vortex of the closed door first?

They were both standing at my feet before I could analyze the grammatical correctness of the previous sentence.

So, I stooped to that age old trick of tying the door knob to something. This is the same ploy used by my sisters when I was little. I never got out, there is no way those little balls of fur are getting out. If it held me, it sure will hold those little hairy little bastards… what the hell is Max doing out here?

Well, I’ll be hornswaggled!

No more mister nice guy. I tied that door knob to the chimney and the pantry and the wood stove and anything else that could be tied to. This time it is fool proof. There is no chance that those two cats were finding freedom. (There is also no way I was getting into the living room, but that is a small sacrifice.)

I admit I should have known better than loaning a Tom Dad’s old slide rule. And carting the chop saw up for their use was over the top. But I was certain; I had no question in my mind. I was the victor: Tom and Max were the losers. As I was double knotting the final piece of cord, I glanced down.

Tom shocked me when he looked up with those big, innocent eyes and said, “Got milk?”

I submit. They are smarter than I am. I shut myself in the bathroom.

The new windows are here!

I think I am in love!

Approximate same views

One work day later!

Some final vistas

Before it all goes away!

Home alone

Okay, this ain’t the stuff that movies are made of, but it has been something of a comedy.

I set a few modest goals for myself:

Water the plants – I did that, well, except the inside plants. Somehow they slipped my mindset… still plenty of time to get those buggers.
Pay the bills – Sounds easy enough, but you try using two computers, two mice, a check book, three ledgers and a snout full of morphine and see how easy it really is…It may be done, it may not. Only time will tell.
Make the donation for Carol – I had to make some executive decisions (the first being do I have the authority to make executive decisions), so it took longer than it should have… done, I have usurped all clout required.
Get rides for Wednesday – Piece of cake… done.
Get rides for Thursday – EEEK!!! You call and ask someone to donate what will turn into a full day… still bags of time to accomplish.
Figure out AFLAC – Do I look like a rocket scientist? (That’s later when I enter my Albert Einstein epoch)... still on the to do list!

But I am well and hanging in there. Temp is under control, blood pressure is acceptable and I am psyched for the rest of the week. Tomorrow they are starting the tree removal, Thursday they are replacing windows and Friday they will finish the trees.

Saturday is all mine!

Honoring Robin Williams

They say that great talent brings great personal demons.

I guess that explains my footloose and happy-go-lucky attitude. I have no talent.

Everyone thought I was stark raving mad

Kind people may have just said, “It is the morphine talking.”

But they are real.

I have fifteen from the set. They are commemoratives of the 1976 Olympics. They have a face value of $20 each and are 23K gold.

Oh, ye of little faith!

Internet has been touch and go at home.

So posts may be a little less regular than normal, whatever normal is.

Trudy & I had strawberry shortcake for dinner.

Our conversation was limited to primal grunts of pleasure!

“Tortoises can master touch-screen technology”

Well, there is a headline I never thought I would see. It just brings a whole new front to the terrapin wars. Gone are the days when you can trust your friendly neighborhood turtle with you ATM card. And next time you use the automated touch-screen check-in system at your local hotel, just remember… you may be following a tortoise to your room.

Could he be a St. Bernard(ette)?

Okay!

He sheds like a big dog, he drools like a big dog, and he drinks out of the toilet like a big dog.

I think I understand why he and Trixie hit it off right away.

August 1th, 2014

Another month begins, another ends.

I can complain, so why not. First, I look at my face in the mirror. This same image is vividly posted on the internet. Let’s be honest, I resemble Daddy Warbucks. It is not the look I was going for. When my hair grows back, I hope to look more like Albert Einstein; a touch more intelligent and benevolent. I don’t think I am asking for too much!

And I am playing the old state license plate game from my childhood. You know the one where you have to see all 50 states and the District of Columbia before the journey is done. Well, I have until Tuesday, and I have 8 more states to find. So, those of you driving cars with plates from Connecticut, Delaware, Maryland, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota and Vermont, just a quick jaunt up the driveway, a short honk on the horn and then when I give you the thumbs up, you’re free to move on. And a quick, “Thank you” in advance!

But all in all, life is good. I have two more radiation treatments and one more chemotherapy dose. I’m not looking forward to them, but I am looking forward to them being over. On Tuesday, after radiation, I see my primary oncologist, and although I know she won’t be able to say exactly what will happen, she will be able to give me hints as to what happens next. I look forward to that.