I've been shot!

 

I guess I am one of the sickest people in beautiful downtown Sun City!!!

How much more humiliation must I endure!!!

Sunset

 

Mac’s shopping adventure!

Those of you who know me well, know that I am nothing if not a consummate shopper. My shopping abilities are second to none. I am the one who goes out for one item, say a jar of mustard. Three hours later I return with a container of cottage cheese, a rubber mallet (to keep my other one company) and a new plant. Oh, and a bottle of vodka.

Today was different. I did a Lake Elsinore (aka Lake Oswego) run. For those not in on the lingo, there is a dispensary in Lake Elsinore, California (Lake Oswego is in Oregon) and I am announcing that I am headed out to buy some pot when I say “I am going to Lake Elsinore/Oswego”. I am happy to be the mule for anyone who would has the dinars! (Remind me to tell you about my experience with Dinars.)

Today was slightly different. I also went to Costco in Lake Elsinore. I Had an appointment to have my eyes examined. It went like silk! 40 minutes later I walked out with a year’s worth of new contacts. I walked back in to do some additional shopping (reference the vodka mentioned above).

It went of without a hitch! I was so damn proud of myself. $65.00 worth of booze and I strolled out of the warehouse together. But there is the $1.50 hot dog meal. I couldn’t resist, although I have to admit I felt a bit odd pushing a shopping cart full of ‘adult’ beverages thru the line to get a hot dog, but somethings are just worth the embarrassment.

I toddled back to the car and deftly stuck to booze in places where the bottles wouldn’t rattle. (Remind me to tell you about the time one of the bottles broke. I Still have scars on my tongue!) I went and sat in said car and ever-so-carefully put the mustard on the dog. Perfectly executed! I was getting a little cocky by this point. I usually would have mustard on me by now.

It was a beautiful day in Lake Elsinore; I decided to open the windows. The amazingly well-mustarded hot dog sat on my lap. Now because the car one of those hoity-toity vehicles, I couldn’t just roll down the damn window. I had to pretend to start the car. That necessitated me lifting a foot and placing it on the break pedal and leaning forward to push the appropriate button. I am proud to state that the procedure was a total success. That is unless you count the streak of yellow across my shirt.

Okay, I only had one stop left and that was the dispensary. Come on! No budtender worth their keep would notice. Or if they did, they would think it was like, totally cool.

So, I eat the dog and take a sip of ice-cold Pepsi. The glass slips.

I jump out of the car (can’t help but chuckle at the thought of me “jumping out of a car”). The seat is actually pretty okay, and there are napkins in the car, so all is good from that angle. But you know, I look at my pants and think to myself, “This looks like an inside job.”

Oh, and did I mention “ice-cold”?

I told the budtender, "I had a little fight with my lunch. My lunch won. Don’t rub my face in it"! He didn’t.

Oh, and Gert! Thanks, they all know me by my duck mask! So, I can’t hide!

It has been an amazing day!

 First, I completed the New York Times crossword puzzle. 5th day in a row!

Yowsers!!!

The one the New York Times game "Spelling Bee", I reached the genius lovel..

Amazing!!!

And then I got a new president and vice-president.

Relief!!!

Life is difficult

 

When you are an adorable kitten!

Among the things I found yesterday…

Was something profoundly personal. Richard and I went to Ireland in 2007 (I think). We had promised to go to Europe every other year. But Richard was ailing and afraid that waiting for 2008 would be a bad choice, so we decide to sneak it a mini-trip to Europe. One week in Ireland.

It’s not a thing that can easily be described.

We made more trips to Europe, but this one was different, more desperate. More real.

And until I read this, I had forgotten the possibility of joy in adversity.

This writing, appropriately enough was the founding for this blog. I forgot the send it to my sisters.

So “Sleeping With Saints” owes its existence to Ireland.

Ireland.

Our week is over. The plane was boarded in Dublin. It touched down in Shannon and Newark, throwing its passengers to the wind. Twenty-four hours later two weary travelers disembarked a jet in Portland, Oregon. Real life begins once more. Ah, but the memories, the highlights. So many highlights.

Richard would tell you of the Book if Kells at Trinity College, the intensely moving tour of Kilmainham Gaol, the fascinating visit to St. Augeons Church. He would describe the streets of old town Galway and the amazing train ride back to Dublin; talking politics with an Irish barrister and the wife of an official of the United Nations.

Richard would be sure to point out that while we had precious little sunshine, we also had remarkably little rain. He would talk of great foods; from traditional Irish meals to an upscale going away dinner. He would tell you of an amazing performance of “The Big House” at the Abbey Theatre, the National Theatre of Ireland.

Mac, on the other hand would ramble on endlessly in incomplete sentences, replete with dangling participles. He would have one subject: Guinness. The tall, dark and handsome glasses off nectar that gave him sustenance; that made his life worth living. Guinness takes on something of a mythical aura in Dublin, much like the Champagnes in Paris and the coffee houses in Amsterdam. More than a stout. Guinness is a lifestyle, a verb, a raison d’ȇtre.

I hear you. “Mac, while Guinness may be an unfortunate lifestyle selection and a poor raison d’ȇtre, it is most certainly not a verb. You seem to be losing your rudder in life!”

Well, I beg to differ. I Guinnessed until the cows came home. To Guinness. I Guinness. You Guinness. He, she or it Guinnesses. (Actually, it seldom Guinnesses, but it could if it wanted to.) We Guinness. You Guinness. They Guinness. Conjugated. Proof of Guinness’ verbiness.

To prove the flexibility of the verb “To Guinness”, we shall take a short test. (The answers are at the bottom.) Questions #1 through #3 are true or false.

#1. Mac was so Guinnessed that he forgot how to operate a zipper. Nature called. Mac narrowly averted an embarrassing situation with a pair of scissors.

#2. Mac was down at the Rose and Thistle Guinnessing with abandon. Suddenly he was sucked off his bar stool, into a gravitational warp and thrown to the hardwood floor.

#3. After a long and hard day of Guinessing, Mac was headed back to his hotel on Lower Abbey Street, when a design flaw in the sidewalk caused him to stumble and fall, scraping the top epidermal layer off his face.

Questions #4 through #6 are multiple choice.

#4. Mac seldom Guinnesses before noon because:

a.       It is morally reprehensible to imbibe in alcoholic beverages before 5PM.

b.       Mac is too busy cleaning house to contemplate beverages that early in the day.

c.       Frankly, vodka us easier to get into the flask and gives more immediate relief to the drudgeries of the morning.

#5. If Ralph and Trixie were to take up Guinnessing, it would be prudent to:

a.       Buy stock in Guinness.

b.       Maintain a 5’ No-Saint zone around your aura.

c.       Purchase rain slickers.

d.       All of the above.

#6. When Guinnessing in mixed company, it is imperative to:

a.       Offer middle aged, black lesbians the first glass of Guinness.

b.       Establish a logical and morally defensible plan to ensure that all members of the party receive ample Guinness.

c.       Pull the fire alarm at the earliest possible moment. After everyone has fled the premises, lock the door. If the door does not have a lock, barricade the entrance with heavy furniture.

I shall always remember the amazing Irish people; their love of their island, their optimistic outlook on life. From Seamus the bartender and Rosemary the guide at Kilmainham Gaol to Mrs. MacNicholl the official’s wife and Michael the barrister, they all showed an amazing pride in Ireland!

 

Slainte!

 

Answers

                #1. False. Mac always wore Levis 501s (with buttons). No zippers were involved.

                #2. False. Mac Guinnessed at Digger O’Dells where the floors were slate.

                #3. False. It was shoddy craftsmanship, not design flaws that made the sidewalks so uneven.

                #4. C. Must I go into more details?

                #5. D. Come on folks, this isn’t rocket science.

                #6. C. Political correctness has its limits in day-to-day life.

It's the Twelfth Night of Christmas

I would have hired twelve drummers, but its a small condo, and logistically with the lords a leaping and maids a milking it became a nightmare!

I made some amazing finds today. I found a newspaper article about Granddad's family when his father was in jail.

Read for yourself!

But there is more. The next post will be a long one!