Tuesday, June 8, 2021

Another day

I sit, reflecting back on an oddly undisturbing day. I drove our still unnamed car to the dealership for its “ten-month checkup”! WHOA DOGGIE!!! That is one of those events you anticipate for what seems like an eternity.

The morning finally comes. You have to decide if you are going to go through with the appointment or throw yourself off your balcony. You live on the ground floor. The ground is well mulched. Yes, you could hurt yourself, but after Karla bandaged you up, you would still find yourself driving to the dealership in far-away Moreno Valley.

So, I took unmamed car in for its check-up. There really were no other options. When I made the appointment, they told me it would be two hours so I was prepared with a book and a bottle of water. When I arrived, they were swamped. But a young man greeted me shortly. I could tell by the sparkle of his eyes that he was grinning. He told me he loved my mask and thanked me for giving him a smile and he said Lauren would be out soon. I have to admit that simple greeting made all seem cool. (Thanks again, Trudy.) A couple of minutes later a woman came out, introduced herself and said that Lauren was busy, but that she could get me checked in. Check in went quickly and efficiently. When I asked about the two-hour estimate, this person was apologizing left and right, but it would be three hours. She gave me options; they had drivers who would take me anywhere, or they had a tv lounge I could sit it.

She was good at her job. I was oddly calm and went into the tv lounge. There was a novella playing. Soap operas in Spanish aren’t my thing. But across the drive, dappled in sunlight was a cement bench. It wasn’t a warm morning so the sun sounded wonderful. The bench was surprising comfortable considering it was concrete. The curves worked for me. I spent an hour and half reading a great book that Karla loaned me, enjoying the sun.

But my amazing paradise sunk into shade and I went inside for warmth. I found that if I sat in the back of the lounge, the novella didn’t distract me and all was good. About an hour later, I decided it was warm enough outside and went back to my little paradise. At 1PM exactly may car was pulled up right in front of where I sat.

I went inside. Lauren greeted me and said she was just finishing up my paperwork. The woman who checked me in came to Lauren’s station and made small talk, and the dude who first greeted me joined us. We talked. About the book I was reading. And how do you find time to read? We focused on things that are unifiers, intentionally or not.

A totally bad day was actually okay.

Are these drugs good, or what?

Monday, June 7, 2021

Okay, this is important

It has to be said, and I need to say it.

I suffer from depression. I am an intelligent, moderately educated person. I have always believed that mental illness was just that; an illness, a disease to be treated. And yet, when it came time for me to say “I am depressed” aloud, I was embarrassed. At first, I couldn’t do it. I would be humiliated to admit I had one of “those” illnesses. Kind of like saying you have AIDS in the 80s.

I have to fight the stigma. It is a difficult fight. As much as I know by intellection that a disease is a disease, there is an unnatural disgrace that runs deep, even in me, with regards to mental illness. I fully understand and yet I understand nothing. I remember Dr. Foster in Hood River asking me if I was depressed. I laughed it off and said “I have a right to be depressed”. She prescribed me a medicine that she said would give me more energy. I read the fine print. It was an antidepressant. I took it and pretended it was just for ‘energy’.

Maybe I deserve to be depressed, maybe I don’t

But as I said, I suffer. I have been prescribed a new drug that is lifting the defeatism of the last part of my life. I actually enjoy doing things again. Things are far from perfect, but they are getting better. Just admitting to depression, saying it out loud to a medical professional and saying it to myself is starting to revitalize my life.

If anyone who reads this is, or knows anyone who is depressed, please there are professional trained to help.

Suffering is unacceptable!



Saturday, June 5, 2021

Karla and I did a staycation


 Ariah had a water polo game in Orange County. Annie and I made a vacation of it. 

It was fun!

Friday, June 4, 2021

Today's garden.

 Woke up this morning to a project.

In the living room was an open box that soon would become a raised metal planter. I put it together quite easily. Piece of cake.

Then a trip to the nursery, and voilà! A new garden.

It's not done, but I am done for the night!




Thursday, June 3, 2021

It has a vague resemblance to a garden

 Meet Harry


Muhlenbergia Grass: Harry is a native grass in the eastern and central areas of the United States. He tolerates drought and is not fussy (per the Missouri Botanical Garden). If they are wrong, there could be issues. In fall he shoots out beautiful pink blooms (thanks to MBG for that info.) Harry is about to start his second week with me. 

He has the unfortunate trait of attracting a large domesticated house cat who chews on his greenery, then spit it all back up. You will discover this when you step in the mess with a bare foot. Bad large domesticated house cat! Bad large domesticated house cat! Please note; I am using the term “domesticated” sarcastically.


Wednesday, June 2, 2021

"To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow"

 I was surprised to learn that the title quote is attributed to Audrey Hepburn. I never would have guessed, but I've come to understand that she loved time in her garden.

It makes me think of marigolds.

Wayno always had marigolds. I don't remember the exact story, but one year at his birthday in NYC, 6 out of 10 guests at his soirée brought him a marigold. (Use your imagination). Every birthday after that he received a peck of marigolds.

At Wayn's wake, everyone was given a packet of marigold seeds that he had saved, with "To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow." printed on the outside. It should be noted that to the best of my knowledge, not one seed propagated.

Tucked in a little nook in my garden.

Salut, Wayno!



Tuesday, June 1, 2021

June 1st, 2021

 Time wanders. So do I. Umm... where  was I going?, And any clue what I planned to do when I got to wherever  it was I was going? Come on people, I need all the help I can get!

I am on an antidepressant. It has a name, but I don't remember it. Qu'elle surprize! However  I admit to feeling more of my old self, instead of the miserable invalid I had morphed into. Now this wonder drug does have a couple of side effects. #1, it will put you to sleep. Be in bed before you take it, as there is a reasonable chance you won't make it to bed if you dawdle. #2, it increases your appetite, thence making you less of a skeletal creature. 

I am addicted.