Ripped from the New York Times:

There it was, in black and white: roadside attractions like the Corn Palace, the World’s Largest Ball of Twine and the Boll Weevil Monument are in crisis. As preposterous as this may sound, apparently vacationers no longer see a trip to the Geographical Center of the United States as a ‘hot-damn’ holiday. It seems that now days, they want adventure: mountain biking, hiking, rock-wall climbing.

Puh-leeze! The last time I tried climbing a rock-wall was that unfortunate September night when I tried to escape for the state penitentiary in Arizona. And you all know how far that got me. And I’ve never described that period of my life as a ‘vacation’. But now that I think of it, I do remember the social calendar quite fondly. There was that one sultry evening, when the sun was setting and the red glow flooded my cell through the barred window. My cellmate, Scotty the Body was lamenting…
Oh my god, that is so not appropriate for the blog. I am so sorry. Excuse me please.

Now, as I was saying, we all must do what we can to save the quirky wayside tourist traps.

Let us all make a resolution for 2011:

If I can’t get there in a limousine with a full service bar, I won’t go there.

National Fruitcake Day

Yes, December 27th is National Fruitcake Day.

I'm not sure who we should credit with such a monumental homage to the umbiquitous fruitcake, but lets just kind of let it roll off our shoulders and forgive and forget.

Pop Quiz:

What is the meaning of Boxing Day?

a. It descends from an unfortunate custom of the middle ages, when most families were dirt poor, very large and could afford only one gift for all their children. Seriously, one gift; not one gift per child. Peace being the theme of Christmas, all the progeny enjoyed the gift equally, sharing magnanimously for that one day. But the day after Christmas, the kids duked it out to see who would claim the present.

b. It’s a new age holiday, referring to breaking down all the boxes your Christmas presents came in and recycling them. Haste makes waste, you know.

c. It refers to an old tradition of the aristocracy. The day after Christmas, the ladies and lords, the dukes and duchesses, les marquis et marquises, het markgraaf und markies, (ad nauseum) boxed up all of last season’s accessories and threw them on a bonfire. They needed to make sure the hoi polloi didn’t steal them.

d. No one has any idea. It is just a ploy by the UK and Canada to get another holiday.

e. While it is true that its origins are unknown, all plausible explanations point toward assisting the needy and those who serve. It is the traditional time for alms for the poor. So go ahead and give. Your time or your money, both work. There is a reason for the season.

Merry Christmas

Happy Winter Solstice

May this winter be all you hope for.

Total Eclipse of the Moon.

For the first time since 1632, a total eclipse of the moon coincided with the Winter Solstice. I missed it because it was cloudy and it was in the middle of the night.

Quite frankly, I believe it is rather rude to schedule an eclipse of the moon after 9:30PM. I think all future lunar eclipses should be at mid-day so that more people can enjoy them.

Sally Forth

I'm not sure, but I think they're making fun of me!