“Spring Time at the Homestead”, or “Why the Swiss Live In The Mountains Where There Is Always Snow So They Don’t Have To Deal With This Crap.”

Ignore the fresh snow on the ground, spring has come to Hood River. I know. I recognize the signs.

First, there is the mud. Are you aware that an average adult St. Bernard can drag ¾ of a cup of mud in with him after a romp in the vegetation-free back yard? Are you aware that the average adult St. Bernard goes out for romps in the vegetation-free backyard four times a day? Are you aware that, by using an obscure mathematical theorem, you can extrapolate the fact that two Saints are fully capable of dragging in 6 cups of mud per day during the rainy season we affectionately call “spring”? Are you aware of the indisputable fact that the average Saint Bernard owner is so sick of cleaning paws and floors and bedding that he is about ready to go totally mad and be institutionalized at one of those fancy state funny farms?

I can vouch for the data.

Then there is the fur. Where do I start? The fur: we don’t have dust bunnies. Nothing that small. Take the dust, added to the dried mud, multiplied by the gusting fur and you end up with dust Poodles. Standard Poodles, thank you.

Saints always shed – don’t believe anything different. Those books that claim they only shed one time a year are bullcrap. But admittedly, at the first hint of spring, they drop fur like there is no tomorrow. You sweep the floor when you go to bed, and you wake up to waist deep drifts of fur. You plan meals dependent on what tastes good under Saint fur. You think that state institution sounds good.

But, I love ‘em!