Ripped from the New York Times:

There it was, in black and white: roadside attractions like the Corn Palace, the World’s Largest Ball of Twine and the Boll Weevil Monument are in crisis. As preposterous as this may sound, apparently vacationers no longer see a trip to the Geographical Center of the United States as a ‘hot-damn’ holiday. It seems that now days, they want adventure: mountain biking, hiking, rock-wall climbing.

Puh-leeze! The last time I tried climbing a rock-wall was that unfortunate September night when I tried to escape for the state penitentiary in Arizona. And you all know how far that got me. And I’ve never described that period of my life as a ‘vacation’. But now that I think of it, I do remember the social calendar quite fondly. There was that one sultry evening, when the sun was setting and the red glow flooded my cell through the barred window. My cellmate, Scotty the Body was lamenting…
Oh my god, that is so not appropriate for the blog. I am so sorry. Excuse me please.

Now, as I was saying, we all must do what we can to save the quirky wayside tourist traps.

Let us all make a resolution for 2011:

If I can’t get there in a limousine with a full service bar, I won’t go there.

National Fruitcake Day

Yes, December 27th is National Fruitcake Day.

I'm not sure who we should credit with such a monumental homage to the umbiquitous fruitcake, but lets just kind of let it roll off our shoulders and forgive and forget.

Pop Quiz:

What is the meaning of Boxing Day?

a. It descends from an unfortunate custom of the middle ages, when most families were dirt poor, very large and could afford only one gift for all their children. Seriously, one gift; not one gift per child. Peace being the theme of Christmas, all the progeny enjoyed the gift equally, sharing magnanimously for that one day. But the day after Christmas, the kids duked it out to see who would claim the present.

b. It’s a new age holiday, referring to breaking down all the boxes your Christmas presents came in and recycling them. Haste makes waste, you know.

c. It refers to an old tradition of the aristocracy. The day after Christmas, the ladies and lords, the dukes and duchesses, les marquis et marquises, het markgraaf und markies, (ad nauseum) boxed up all of last season’s accessories and threw them on a bonfire. They needed to make sure the hoi polloi didn’t steal them.

d. No one has any idea. It is just a ploy by the UK and Canada to get another holiday.

e. While it is true that its origins are unknown, all plausible explanations point toward assisting the needy and those who serve. It is the traditional time for alms for the poor. So go ahead and give. Your time or your money, both work. There is a reason for the season.

Merry Christmas

Happy Winter Solstice

May this winter be all you hope for.

Total Eclipse of the Moon.

For the first time since 1632, a total eclipse of the moon coincided with the Winter Solstice. I missed it because it was cloudy and it was in the middle of the night.

Quite frankly, I believe it is rather rude to schedule an eclipse of the moon after 9:30PM. I think all future lunar eclipses should be at mid-day so that more people can enjoy them.

Sally Forth

I'm not sure, but I think they're making fun of me!

National Champions

NCAA Division II Football.


Minn-Duluth 20, Delta State 17.

I'd burst into UMD's fight song, but I don't know what it is. So, I'll just hum a stanza of "Mighty Oregon" and call it good.

Congrats, Bulldogs!!!

Requiem for a snow-shovel.

Oh, Ullr, my beloved Ullr
For a decade of winters, we have shared
A passion, a devoir, to make the drive passable
Together we have stood, alone in the harshness
Together we have braved the most wicked of storms
For a decade of winters, we have communed
We have savored the challenge
Of the ever-lengthening drive
But Ullr, fair Ullr
The meanest of snows has broken your bow
Has damaged your blade
My heart breaks, as I know there is naught I can do
To save your soul
So, Ullr, brave Ullr,
Help me to know
Is any part of you recyclable?

From "Pardon My Planet"

Well, isn't that disappointing. I guess I'm going to have to return mine.

Championship Alert!

Minnesota-Duluth 17, Northwest Missouri St. 13

Seems it isn't just the Ducks in a National Championship Game.

GO BULLDOGS

And some updates on the Natty (National Championship) celebration.

Perhaps the best start is to quote (okay, paraphrase) a conversation Richard and I had:

Mac: There is so much to do before the big day. I don’t know how we will get it done.

Richard: Don’t get overwrought. We’ll just do our normal minimal decoration. We’ll put up the tree the weekend before Christmas. A bough here and there and all will be…

Mac: What the hell does a tree or boughs have to do with Oregon being in the national championship? We’ve got walls to paint green and yellow, crèpe paper to hang, dogs and cats to color. Oh, I did you remember to check on porcelain paint so we can make the bathroom accessories match?

Richard: Mac, we will have a Christmas tree, we will do our normal greenery through the house. We will not paint any walls green or yellow. We will not dye the dogs. And I will never, ever check on lemon and lime porcelain paint.

Mac: You heathen, you heretic. If we don’t do all I say and the unspeakable happens, who do you think I will blame?

Richard: Mac, you’re going over the top. Don’t make me call the local insane asylum.

Mac: They would be on my side.

Richard: Damn, you have a point.

There are still some impasses to get over.

I find beauty in ice

Now, don’t be telling Richard I said any such thing. I will deny it vehemently.

Other thoughts:

I am saddened by the death of Elizabeth Edwards. I can’t truly say I know much about her, but I always felt she was honorable and good.

Let’s commemorate all those survivors, still here and since gone, and the victims of Pearl Harbor, some 69 years ago.

The Obligatory Picture

This time lifted KATU News.

The Quack Heard ‘Round the World!

Before it gets lost in the noise: UMD 24, Augustana (SD) 13. Go Bulldogs!

So, my four decades as a Duck fan has finally paid dividends. Gone are the 70’s and 80’s when, frankly, being a Duck wasn’t all that much fun. I will never again hear that the Ducks are the best winless team in the nation. There will never be another Toilet Bowl (1983 Civil War: Oregon 0, Oregon State 0, the last scoreless tie in NCAA Division I football.)

Today, I watched the Civil War on TV at my friends’ house in Washington. A bit odd, going north of the border to join a flock of Ducks, but it worked. Oregon 37, Oregon State 20. QUACK!!! QUACK!!! QUACK!!! Such a glorious day in the neighborhood.

And yes, there is much to do between now and January 10th. I’m wondering if Max and Spike would wear duck lips for 3 hours. Do you think Ralph and Trixie would let me dye them green and yellow? And will Richard let me paint his body in appropriately colored paint?

I guess only time will tell!

World AIDS Day

Remember the millions who have died: commemorate the millions who are living with AIDS. It's not over, folks.