At home on the Wildlife Safari.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I wonder what life would be like if we had no pets.

Max is celebrating Abuse-Your-Theoretical-Owner Day. For those of you that aren’t as immersed in the Second-Cousin-Once-Removed Community as I am, every fifth or sixth day, the Must-Be-Part-Siamese-Cat-Subgroup sponsors the Abuse-Your-Theoretical-Owner Day. It is ugly. I hear the lower cupboard door open in the kitchen. Max screams out, “Do you mind if I break open this bag of flour. It looks mighty vulnerable.”

I have to stumble in the kitchen, slam the door shut and say “Bad Cat! Bad Cat!” I go back to writing. I hear another lower cupboard door open. “Golly gee willikers,” Max exclaims as he searches for potential toys in the cabinet. Loud clanging is all I hear after that.

Needless to say, I toddle back into the kitchen, slam the door shut and say “Bad Cat! Bad Cat!” I go back to writing. I hear another lower cupboard door open. “Cheerios!!! Cheerios!!!,” Max screams.

I pull a tuft of hair out of my head. I stomp to the kitchen as Ralph, who is dealing with some mobility issues, decides he want to go out. He stumbles down to the door and starts to, well ralf. I open the door. He starts to go out, he pauses for a moment. Max darts out the door. Ralph finally goes out and totally ralfs all over the deck. I don’t blame Ralph. He was just an unfortunate instrument in the Second Cousin-Once Removed of the Devil’s plan.

I panicked. I tried to get Max back inside, leaving the door open for Spike to explore the out-of-doors. And well Trixie, the cat-herder extraordinaire that she is, had to barge outside.

And how was your evening?

(And no, I’m not truly certain who is inside and who is outside at this exact moment. I plan to do a body count soon! And "Yes", the Cheerios were a total loss.)