How the hell do lefties make it in this world?

Before I go any further, let me proudly crow that I have been in all 50 states and the District of Columbia. State number 50 was Vermont, for both Karla and I. We had a 50^th State Dash planned, but it fizzled, as the pilot and navigator (who were undoubtable bribed by Karla) screwed up and got us to Vermont on an unplanned bridge. Karla was in the front seat. I was in the back seat. Karla won. But, I am not bitter. Not me. But I know three sisters who had better watch their backs.

Okay, on to the main thesis of this post. For those of you unaware, I have lost much of the strength and coordination in my right hand. Trust me, I had no strength or coordination to lose. It wasn’t good in New England and it has gotten progressively worse. My right hand has begun to atrophy.

You know those medicine bottles with childproof caps? Well, I must be a child. I was contemplating getting out my chainsaw to open my bottle of Aleve, when I finally got the pliers to do the trick! And tying shoelaces, now there is a skill I can live without. Putting on socks is a 10-15 minute affair, hence I am on the third day with the same pair of socks. Zipping zippers and buttoning buttons are too much work when I am at home.

Okay, this may be tmi, but I can’t even masturbate anymore. It seems patently unkind to take away one of the joys I have, when there are so few left.

If you are somewhat prudish, please don’t read the last paragraph.

Okay, so I saw my doctor a week ago. I recognized her demeanor. An MRI of the brain and an MRI of the upper spinal canal was promptly scheduled for Monday morning. Sadly, I was too ill with a cold to take the tests. I will have the MRIs on Friday afternoon.

The reasons for the MRIs are fairly obvious. The brain scan is to check for tumors. 40% of lung cancer patients find that the cancer has metastasized to the brain. The upper spinal canal scan is to check for spinal stenosis.

Okay, behind door number 1 is… And behind door number 2 is… But what really scares me is what might be behind door number 3.

There is a side of me that wants to know the answers right now, but there is also a side of me that is screaming out, “Ain’t ignorance bliss!”

Okay, I know this post is tragically long. It is a number of posts scrambled together. I promise to be more timely and succinct in the future.