Laying the kitchen flooring!

7:00AM – I awaken fresh and ready to lay my new laminate flooring in the kitchen. I brew a pot of coffee and enjoy its aromatic flavor as I quick check emails and college football scores.

8:00AM – I start laying the floor. Okay, I screw up cutting the first piece. No problem, I’ve ordered more than I needed, expecting some waste. (This was per the manufacturer’s advice. Apparently, they have seen me work before. ) It takes a little finagling and some brute force, but I get the first row down and locked together. I am so proud of myself; some might call me cocky and arrogant. This is so easy I should be done by lunch.

9:00AM – I start the second row. The first piece goes in, piece of cake. I do a little happy dance and go to set the second piece in the row. This one just isn’t snapping into place like it is suppose to. I try everything except standing on my head, and trust me I seriously contemplated that maneuver; I just couldn’t work out the “tapping” detail in my noggin.

10:00AM – I am desperate. I finally read the instructions. I look nothing like the happy person who is setting the planks with no problems. I’m thinking he’s already had a couple of margaritas and those pesky little gaps in the flooring no longer carry any serious consequences in his mind. The dude is crazy and it shows.

11:00AM – Some cat is ralphing in another room. I don’t know which cat or which room, but I know I have a delightful surprise waiting for me somewhere. It is raining outside. There is a good side to that: the yard needs watering. Unfortunately, my staging area is on the back deck; the uncovered back deck. You will note the 11:00 picture this looks seriously like the 9AM picture. That is only because you can’t hear the cursing and primal screams between the 9AM picture and the 11AM picture. Now I understand why there is an advertisement for Dewar’s Scotch at the bottom of the instruction page. I’ll just check college football scores one more time.

Noon – It isn’t raining, it is pouring. I have brought all the tools into the living room. I would set up a mock staging area, but the living room is crammed full of all the stuff that used to be in the kitchen. There is no room. I guess I will take my lunch break and see what happens in a few.