Holy Economics 101

Them that gots, got. Them that don’ts, get screwed. Again and again. Long and hard.

Let’s take a gander at a purely fictitious case. This is not ripped from the headlines. This is nothing more than a hypothetical situation.

Let’s pretend your name is Kenny Clueless and you are CEO of a really, really big bank. Let’s call it SuperBank of America. SB of A is one of those truly great banks that treat their depositors with the utmost respect and honor. Unless the depositor’s net worth is less than $10,000,000.00, in which case, said depositor is treated like worthless chattel and spat upon.

Kenny, because you are so gifted and brilliant, you are compensated to the tune of $20.4 million dollars annually. That figure includes salary, bonuses, stock options, prostitutes, cars, reimbursements, disbursements and nose candy. Holy Toledo, you are hot stuff.

Never mind that under your brilliant tutelage, your bank has gone from robust to insolvent. Never mind that if it were not for a generous cash gift from the dumbest and most incompetent president in the history of the United States, SB of A would be in bankruptcy court. Never mind that because of your morally questionable business practices the entire western world is teetering on collapse. (I’ve heard that Iceland is available on E-Bay for a stunningly low opening bid.) Don’t worry Kenny, we all still think you’re hot stuff. (Oh, and Holy Apocalypse, set the crack pipe down.)

Let’s take a closer look at your compensation. As I am sure that you work 24/7, I’ll just divvy up your pay by 8,760 (the number of hours in a year – except leap year, but let’s not get all bogged down with details.) Holy Major Shekels, you get paid a paltry sum of $2,328.77 per hour. Kenny, how do you make ends meet?

Now let’s look at Sally’s pay. Kenny, you know Sally. She’s a teller at one of SB of A’s many branches. Oh, maybe you don’t know her. There are a lot of Sally’s in your bank. You are so generous as to pay Sally the federal minimum wage. Doing some quick math, I discovered that you will have 'earned' the same compensation a little before 6AM on January 1st as Sally will earn in the entire year. Holy How In The Hell Do You Justify That!

I know. That is not a fair comparison. Because of your superior bank-managing skills and over-the-top employee empathy program, Sally will lose her job in mid-January, so the reality is that you will earn more money by 12:30AM on January 1st. But don’t worry Kenny, there are some really high quality shelters out there. Sally will be just fine. Her two young children may not make it, but Sally is still young. She can have more. Don't get your skirt all in a dither!

I won’t give the exact time and date that your income passed my annual pay. Suffice to say that if I find out you took all of New Year’s Day as a holiday, I’m going to be really pissed.

Reminds me of a bumper sticker I saw. “If you aren’t outraged, you aren’t paying attention.”