A Quick Synopsis of Gay and Lesbian History in Netherlands.

In the 1700’s, hundreds of people were executed for homosexuality in Holland. The god-of-all-that-is good crowed from the top of the Dutch Alps.

In 1841, Netherlands decriminalized homosexuality. Admitted, it took the French invading and establishing Napoleonic Law, but still, it happened. (France decriminalized homosexuality in the late 1700’s – France is the source of all left-wing wacko ideas.)

In 1842, much of Netherlands sank below sea level, requiring the building of dikes, and the hiring of young Dutch boys to put their fingers in the many dikes (resist all poor-taste jokes at this point). The Dutch Alps became a distant memory. Many point to this as absolute proof that the god-of-all-that-is good does not have a sense of humor.

In 1911, the first gay rights organization was founded in Netherlands. My bad. I didn’t even know there were gays and lesbians back in them ol’ days.

In 1912, the god-without-a-sense-of-humor (renamed in 1876) required that all Dutch people wear wooden shoes, causing horrendous calluses.

In 1940, Nazi Germany invaded Netherlands, allowing Anne Frank to write her diary. Homosexuality was re-criminalized.

(That is as close as I can come to joking about the Nazi occupation. Approximately110,000 Jews from Netherlands died in concentration and forced labor camps. Only 30,000 survived. It isn’t funny.)

In 1971, Netherlands removed its restriction on gays and lesbians serving in the Armed Forces. Excuse me, don’t ask me and don’t tell me about things like this. There are actually gays and lesbians who want to serve in the Army? Whoa, never dawned on me.

In 1972, Netherlands is invaded by Martians.

In 1993, Netherlands grants equal rights to gay and lesbians. Tell me they meant separate but not equal. Oh my god-without-a-sense-of-humor, what is going on here?

In 1994, Netherlands is invaded by eunuchs from Vienna.

In 1998, Netherlands allows civil unions without regard to the sex of the partners. Oh, my god-without-a-sense-of-humor, is nothing sacred?

In 1999, Netherlands degenerates into total chaos.

In 2001, Netherlands is the first nation to recognize gay marriage on the same plain as heterosexual marriage. Tell me it ain’t so, god-without-a-sense-of-humor.

In 2002, Netherlands disappears off the planet.

Carrie Prejean

“I think it’s great that Americans are able to choose one or the other,” Prejean responded. “But in my country, and in my family, I think that I believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that’s how I was raised.”

Two sentences have rocked the world. Two poorly constructed sentences that made a feeble attempt at political correctness have rocked the world. The punctuation makes it look like three sentences, but I think if you sit down and analyze the quote, it is only two sentences.

There are so many ways I could go with this. Political correctness gone awry; Perez Hilton gone awry; the Miss USA contest gone awry.

But instead I will deal with only one subject: should Carrie Prejean have lost the Miss USA contest because of her answer?

My feeling is yes and no.

She should not have lost the contest because of what she meant to say. She was asked a difficult question. She gave an honest answer. Bravo, Carrie. But reread the first sentence of the quote.

“I think it’s great that Americans are able to choose one or the other,” Prejean responded.

Sorry, Carrie… wrong. The vast majority of Americans, other than bisexuals in Connecticut, Massachusetts, Iowa and soon Vermont, don’t have the choice between gay or straight marriage.

I didn’t watch the contest, I’ve heard no other contestant's question or answer. But assuming someone made a coherent, intelligent response to their question, Carrie lost fair and square.

Now let’s forget Perez and the other gossip monger (like all the major news networks) and move on with our lives.

The Rhubarb Update

Can anyone else taste rhubarb crisp?

Cats in High Places

Whad'ya mean I ain't s'pose to be up here?

Bea Arthur

I'm gonna miss you, Maude.

Untitled

Click to enlarge.

Wahoo Revisited.

My sister, Karla and I are planning a road trip from Los Angeles to Minneapolis this summer. We’ve got a preliminary route picked-out, but it will undoubtedly change a few times.

We both seem excited about stopping in Wahoo, NE for old time’s sake. It has been something like a really big number of years since we lived in Wahoo. And we only lived there for nine months, but, surprisingly, I really do want to go back.

Five famous people from Wahoo… hmmm… why does that ring a bell.

Now I remember!

Happy Earth Day

Do something good for Mother!

The World According to Mac.

Everyone has their little idiosyncrasies. I just have a few more than most.

My travel memento of choice is the famed coffee mug. You can get a trashy tourist mug damn near any where you go:


Brugge (Bruges), Belgium


and Astoria, Oregon


even Bumble Bee, Arizona

I am almost embarrassed to admit how many of these mugs I have. A quick count came up with 42 downstairs... and there are boxes of them in the attic.

I hear my heirs lining up now to claim the collection as part of their inheritance!

April 18

Juanita McCracken Cornelison

We each greet spring in our own way.

Some bloom, some trip you in the hallway.

5:51PM, April 14, 2009

Dad would not be happy. I’m done with my taxes with over 30 hours to go.

I remember as a child, riding with my father to the post office at Sea-Tac Airport to post his tax return, arriving at 11:55PM on April 15th. It was a sacred tradition with him. Put it off until the last minute possible.

But, when I was Dad's little boy, we lived close to a post office that accepted mail up to midnight on the 15th . That isn’t a luxury I have in Hood River. So, I may not have met the letter of his tradition, but I did meet the meaning. Never do today what you can possibly put off until tomorrow.

I can’t put it off until tomorrow.

Monday the Thirteenth

I'm pretty sure this is the latest snow I've seen in almost 22 years up here. Sadly, I'm no longer in the mood and find this inappropriate.

I am now in spring mode, thank you.

Saint Bernards in Pre-Historic Times.

We are all abundantly aware of the pivotal role that St. Bernards have played in the history of Switzerland, but scientists are just beginning to piece together the importance the great beasts held for the pre-historic residents of the Alps.

Few facts are known. I'll give you the highlights.

On April 12, 6413BC, Glog, his wife Ooga and their children Bruno and Heidi were enjoying a spring ski outing near the Suisse-Néanderthal community of Gstaadt. It was their last run of the day when Bruno and Heidi found two adorable puppies playing in the snow. Being average teens, Bruno and Heidi begged their parents to let them keep the little bundles of joy. They promised to feed them and groom them; play with them and clean up after them.

Ooga was adamantly opposed to the idea, but Glog thought it would be really cool. He was enthralled by the idea of being remembered as the man who domesticated the wild dogs of the mountains. (Actually, for a few years after that time, they were known as the wild glogs of the mountains, but poor penmanship eventually changed "glog" to "dog".)

Ooga was outvoted 3 to 1. The delightful balls of fur came home with the family. The puppies were named Berr and Nard. (Suisse-Néanderthalese words that translate to “Cutest Animal on Earth” and “Absolutely Adorable Little Critter”.)

Historians had always believed that Glog, Ooga, Bruno, Heidi, Berr and Nard lived happily ever after. All known evidence supported that supposition.

Glog’s blog entries from the time always spoke of the warmth the great dogs supplied during the long cold winters and their gentle disposition. The handful of Heidi’s text-messages that have survived the millennia speak of loving, kind animals. And of course, Bruno’s claim to fame is his immortal painting on velvet named “Dogs Playing Poker”. In fact, every piece of literature and each art object that has survived from the Suisse-Néanderthal period is a homily to the great dogs Berr and Nard and their descendents.

But a discovery last week has rocked the scientific community and their understanding of the Suisse-Néanderthal era. An amateur historian found an entry from Ooga’s journal.

“April 12, 6412BC

Dear Diary,

Glog is off hunting and gathering. He’s been gone for weeks. Sometimes I miss him. (But not very often – LOL!!) Bruno is out playing a pick-up game of basketball with his buddies from middle school and Heidi is with her friends at the mall. I am alone with the monsters.

It was one year ago today that Berr and Nard came to live with us. How I rue the day. They drool constantly. I am so tired of cleaning the slobber off the walls and ceiling. And the mud they track in the house! Oy vay! What is a person to do? And the messes in the yard! Solid waste disposal has become a major issue for our household.

But it is the fur I hate the most. Everywere… everywhere. Glog said I should spin it into yarn and use it in my crafts. So I tried it. I crocheted a slip cover for Iceland. But did I get any thanks? No! Just a snotty note from the mayor of Reykjavik saying that it was the wrong color and it smelled bad.

And now Nard is pregnant. More little mouths to feed and clean up after. I swear I will go stark-raving mad.”

It was the last entry Ooga ever made in her diary. She seems to have slipped into oblivion, but for one cryptic entry in the log at the Suisse-Néanderthal Assylum for the Hopelessly Insane.

“April 13, 6412BC

Odd woman was committed today. She doesn’t know her name. All she says is ‘Damn Berr, Damn Nard, Damn glogs.’ We don’t know what it means.”

Good Cat, Good Dog... Don't Attack!

Sometimes you walk into a room, and you just know that they’ve been talking about you.

It’s that uneasy feeling, the odd silence, the condescending looks.

Vermont Allows Gay Marriage!

So what? So Vermont’s left-wing legislature over rode a veto by the governor? What is that little bastion of socialism going to do next, allow women to own real estate?

But it is important. Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa and (all-to-briefly) California all had gay marriage legalized by the courts.

After Iowa’s Supreme Court declared their state’s ban on gay marriage unconstitutional, Tony Perkins, the president of the conservative Family Research Council, issued a statement saying that same-sex marriage "continues to be a movement driven by a liberal judicial elite determined to destroy not only the institution of marriage, but democracy as well."

Damn, I’m way more dangerous than I thought. If Richard and I were to get married, democracy would crumble? Or maybe we can crush the meaning of marriage. Or maybe…

I know. Over-inflated ego.

I know. Bending the quote to meet my personal agenda.

Whatever. Way to go Vermont!

Richard’s Birthday.

After work, totally prepared and anticipating the future, I rushed to the grocery store to purchase the finest cake mix that money can buy. Throw in some premade frosting, and you know, deep in your heart, that Richard is in for a truly special treat. I am so considerate.

I will not tell how old Richard is. No, I won’t give any hints. Odd you should mention the fall of '58, because Richard was in elementary school by then. But, no hints about his age. None. Not from me.

Oh, and wouldn’t you be so happy to come home on your birthday, after a hard day’s work at the salt mines, to this!


I can't wait to see the expression of gratitude on his face.

Okay, its obvious. I flunked the class in cake decorating. And you thought it was an inborn talent in all queers?

Sunrise in the Gorge

Perhaps not award winning photography, but it was a beautiful morning. This picture is looking east from the Inn, toward The Dalles.

Signs of Spring

The irises are getting their first taste of warm sunshine!


Rhubarb, one of my personal favorites! After nearly losing the rhubarb a couple of years ago, I think it has made a full recovery.


The omnipotent horseradish; spreads like wildfire and impossible to kill.


Yes, I am having more fun than is allowed by state and federal laws. Sorry, I just love it outside on the first warm day of spring.

How Much Is That Kitty In the Window?

One of the great harbingers of springs: an open window with a happy cat enjoying a wonderfully fresh breeze. According to our thermometer it is 59, but it feels much more sultry!

The Iowa Supreme Court issued a unanimous finding that the state's same-sex marriage ban violates the constitutional rights of gay and lesbian couples

As soon as I heard the news, I mentioned to Richard that we should pack up our bags and move to Iowa. Maybe we could even find the Old McCracken Homestead and settle in for our golden years as a happily married couple.

His look was stony. I don’t think he’s against gay marriage, I think he is against moving into the Old McCracken Homestead in Iowa. I think he is against moving into anything in Iowa. Something about the bitter cold winters and the hot humid summers doesn't catch his fancy. He’d whine in the winter, and I’d whine in the summer.

But it could make for very pleasant springs and falls!

Lewis & Clark

A rare photograph of Lewis & Clark returning from the pear harvest in the Hood River Valley.