A Quick Synopsis of Gay and Lesbian History in Netherlands.

In the 1700’s, hundreds of people were executed for homosexuality in Holland. The god-of-all-that-is good crowed from the top of the Dutch Alps.

In 1841, Netherlands decriminalized homosexuality. Admitted, it took the French invading and establishing Napoleonic Law, but still, it happened. (France decriminalized homosexuality in the late 1700’s – France is the source of all left-wing wacko ideas.)

In 1842, much of Netherlands sank below sea level, requiring the building of dikes, and the hiring of young Dutch boys to put their fingers in the many dikes (resist all poor-taste jokes at this point). The Dutch Alps became a distant memory. Many point to this as absolute proof that the god-of-all-that-is good does not have a sense of humor.

In 1911, the first gay rights organization was founded in Netherlands. My bad. I didn’t even know there were gays and lesbians back in them ol’ days.

In 1912, the god-without-a-sense-of-humor (renamed in 1876) required that all Dutch people wear wooden shoes, causing horrendous calluses.

In 1940, Nazi Germany invaded Netherlands, allowing Anne Frank to write her diary. Homosexuality was re-criminalized.

(That is as close as I can come to joking about the Nazi occupation. Approximately110,000 Jews from Netherlands died in concentration and forced labor camps. Only 30,000 survived. It isn’t funny.)

In 1971, Netherlands removed its restriction on gays and lesbians serving in the Armed Forces. Excuse me, don’t ask me and don’t tell me about things like this. There are actually gays and lesbians who want to serve in the Army? Whoa, never dawned on me.

In 1972, Netherlands is invaded by Martians.

In 1993, Netherlands grants equal rights to gay and lesbians. Tell me they meant separate but not equal. Oh my god-without-a-sense-of-humor, what is going on here?

In 1994, Netherlands is invaded by eunuchs from Vienna.

In 1998, Netherlands allows civil unions without regard to the sex of the partners. Oh, my god-without-a-sense-of-humor, is nothing sacred?

In 1999, Netherlands degenerates into total chaos.

In 2001, Netherlands is the first nation to recognize gay marriage on the same plain as heterosexual marriage. Tell me it ain’t so, god-without-a-sense-of-humor.

In 2002, Netherlands disappears off the planet.