Ten Signs you are not aging with Grace and Panache.

#1. You have to look “Panache” up in the dictionary to find out what it means. You are stunned to discover that it is in no way related to “pancake” or “ganache”, despite the large number of shared vowels and consonants. You are quite disappointed. (Frankly, you were looking forward to growing old with Ganache!)

#2. The closest you’ve ever come to “Grace” is watching she and Will on TV, and half the time you had no clue what she was babbling about.

#3. Your verve has been compared, unfavorably, to a wet woodchuck.

#4. You need to shave your ears as often as your chin.

#5. When you admit to your real age, people are flabbergasted. You get a little cocky until you hear one of them whisper something about, “…obviously ridden hard and put to bed wet!”

#6. While counting from one to your current age, after getting confused and needing to start over (twice), you must sit down at about the mid-way point, due to utter exhaustion.

#7. You crack some rude joke about the old blatherskite sitting down the bar from you, only to have someone point out that there is a mirror at the end of the bar and, well…

#8. A boy scout tries to help you across the street. If you could remember where you left your cane, you would beat the tar out of the little whippersnapper.

#9. The little girl next door just graduated, magna cum laude, from one of those snotty law schools back east. If you could dredge up her name, you’d send her a card.

#10. You vividly remember when they put the stop sign at the foot of highway 35, but you are still surprised to see it each morning.