The pitiful state of the news industry.

I saw the headlines for two news articles recently that piqued my interest; not enough to actually read the articles, but enough to make me feel perfectly qualified to discuss the theories in hoary details

First: sleeping with pets has major health risks. Well, duh! Your 200 pound puppy jumps into bed, landing squarely on your chest; it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to deduce that your health could be threatened. Or when your beloved kitten has a nightmare; you just know there is going to be claws involved. Kitty claws = blood and gore. I’m sure that every emergency room employee across the county has a number of gruesome stories involving people being massacred by their beloved felines during a bad dream sequence. I don’t get it. Why in the name of all that is sanctimonious would a news agency deem this to be worth publishing? Is it really that slow of a news day?

The second article looked more like a survey: “If you had to select between your pet and your spouse, who’s getting the boot?” Oh come on folks, even PETA’s staunchest opponents know (and concur with) the answer to this one. Who is sent packing? Is it the jackass who nags you mercilessly for leaving your socks on the floor or is it the sweet, totally adorable little fluff of fur that curls up on your lap and purrs contently, bringing you countless minutes of peace and joy? Are you going to eject the lout who doesn’t even bother to laugh at your totally hysterical jokes or the sweet puppy who follows your every thought and movement with total adoration? Are you going to tell the miserable sob who doesn’t even thank you for sweeping the floor once a month (whether it needs it or not) to take a hike, or are you going to tell the absolutely endearing creature who makes you feel special and loved to get the hell out? I mean really. Is there any real point in asking such an inane question? Quite obviously, news agencies are running out of ideas.