Warning: Disgusting Topic Ahead

I never thought I would say this: my septic system has brought me joy. Okay, admittedly the joy is roundabout and tinged with horrors from the past, but it is joy. I will be as succinct as possible.

Shortly after Richard moved to Hood River, our septic system failed. Welcome to the Northwest! Now, I don’t know of anyone who would call that a fun experience, but it was what it was. However, the solution was traumatic for me.

Wayno had spent years trying to make the yard presentable. In one fell septic-sweep, close to half of the yard that he cared for so tenderly was ripped to shreds. Stone walls were thrown to the side. Plants we killed. His peach tree was torn out by the roots: an unkind remembrance for a kind soul.

But we had a new septic system. And it worked. We got a letter from the Hood River County Health Department saying that our septic system was not up to code. They had allowed it to pass, because our other options were so astronomically unreasonable. But they cautioned us to treat it gently, little suggestion like, “Rather than have a ‘wash day’, do only one load of laundry a day. Install a low flow showerhead and make sure your toilet is not draining.” Totally reasonable suggestions, and we welcomed them.

For a while it was heaven. Then one wet, nasty spring day there was that telltale leakage in the yard. We called to have the septic tank pumped. Glenn was unoptimistic, you know, the heavy clay soil up here. And the plumber we called later said we were in deep doo-doo. (Pun intended.)

But, by summer it was fine. Then the next spring wasn’t quite as wet, but there was a little problem. And then the summer after that was fine, etc…. But this spring was bad. I could no longer ignore it. (Thank Richard’s badgering for that.)

So, “Where is the joy”, you are asking?

Our new septic technologist called. This is not the tree-falling, hill-moving, boulder-crushing travail that I envisioned. Mt. Hood is safe from the backhoe. It’s just that the septic system we had put in about ten years ago was put in really badly, less than a third of the drain field was functional. I’m sure the repair won’t be cheap, but I could dance in the streets when I compared it to the alternatives.