Apparently someone didn’t get the memo.

Memo

To: The pets

From: The Masters. Please note that the “M” is capitalized, the “p” is not. We are talking symbolism. We are talking serious stuff.

Date: April 20th, 2013

Re: Sick time

Please be aware that due to one of the two bread winners in the house having an extremely (we are talking nearly-world-record-setting) serious case of carpal tunnel syndrome and the other employed housemate having some medical condition that I’m sure is serious in its own right, but frankly I find it somewhat banal in comparison to the festering wound of a dimension and severity seldom seen outside of the tropics, all pet sick leave has been revoked. You will be on call 24/7 for comforting and general loving domesticated-animalry.

If you feel you are unable to live up to the letter or the spirit of this memo, please feel free to contact Richard or Mac so we can counsel you on your other-house living options.

Oddly, no pet took us up on our counseling option.

You pretend your pets care about you. You pretend that they aren’t calling the grim reaper on their cell phones. But they are. Well, with Max it is kind of a given. I forget the actual lineage, but Max is the second cousin of the devil, once removed, while the grim reaper is a first cousin twice (I think) removed from the devil. So, I think they are 3rd cousins, or something like that.

So, I really have gotten used to the calls from Mephistopheles, Lucifer, Beelzebub, ect… I’m so glad that Max has his own cell phone now. It used to be so awkward telling Satan that Max was too busy to talk with him.

Any now, Spike has a slight bladder infection. I got to take him to the vet and drum roll please, I now get to give him medicine every morning and every night.

Giving a cat bright pink liquid medicine is so much fun. And it is so rewarding. You get to clean 112% of the medicine you tried to give the cat off the walls and ceilings. And you pretend he is going to get better.