Hi! I’m Tom!

I’m the smart one.

While Max had to wait for Mac to leave the computer on, I just hacked my way in through his pathetically easy maze of passwords. Oh, and Mac might want to think about putting locks on the liquor cupboard. Or maybe moving the whipping cream off the bottom shelf of the refrigerator. Or maybe moving the ice cubes up a shelf or two in the freezer. Until then however, I will prepare myself a White Russian at any whim. And I make the world’s best!

(lap, lap)

Now, Tillie and I had been in a homeless shelter for almost three months when we finally approved Mac and Richard application to take us home. We were really quite pleased as they seemed very kind, and that adorable Saint, Trixie, spoke so highly of them. When we first arrived to our new house, we were ecstatic. Okay, it was a little run-down for Tillie’s taste, but I love to rough it, so I was happy.

We were wandering around, exploring all the nooks and crannies when suddenly Tillie tapped me on the shoulder and pointed to the left. I looked and Holy Toledo! There was the biggest, meanest, nastiest cat just staring at us. He raised his front paw and meat hooks were exposed. Tillie and I screamed in unison, “Run for your lives! Run for your lives! It’s every cat for itself!”

(lap, lap)

Holy [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted]. I damn near had a heartch-attach right then and there. But I scurried into a closet and made it to the top shelf, where I was safe from that tub o’lard. Something was totally amiss. There was no mention, not even a frickin’ hint of an evil entity in the household on their adoption application.

I can’st begun to tell you how many friggin’ times have I heard “Katčka z hell” in reference to that big, malevolent being. There was even talk of him having a relationship with Satan himself. Now, I don’t know what kinda relationship, but it is just whispered, so you know it is a really sick and twisted relationship.

(lap, lap)

Oh, and for those of you who don’t speak Czech as goody as me, “Katčka z” means “Cat from” and “hell” is, well it is just kind of a universal tongue. When I first heard Mac refer to him by that name, I knews I was home. There would be shumone I could talk at. I meansh, with.

(lap, lap)

I just gonna go curl up in a ball on top of the pianer. Umm, goo’nite.