Pure commentary

As the Environmental Engineer in charge of Tillietown, Tommyville and the historic district of Kitty City, I would like to say a thing or two.

First, to the two out of three of you who voted to update my title to “Environmental Engineer”, I want to say “Thank you!” I know it seems so damn politically correct, but wearing a badge that says “Environmental Engineer” is just so heartwarming, compared to the old title of “Litter Boxboy.” (The vote was anonymous. I have no idea who to despise!) Yes, nomenclature can be so important to the minnions.

But there are a few other critical issues I would like to address.

First, to the residents of Tillietown: I know that you have the smallest sanitation district of the three meownicipalities (they thought that up, not me!), but I do not believe that fully explains your frequent misses. Okay, let’s be frank. I’ve seen the videos uploaded to Youtube of you trying to pee off the second shelf and hit the box. It’s gone viral. Everyone thinks it is hilarious. Not everyone has to tidy up afterwards.

And to the denizens of Tommytown: I realize it is a custom. I realize if you were a nation, it would be a national sport. I understand that you consider it a religious ritual. But litter tossing is not a sport, is a really poorly designed custom and has no aspect of religion that I care to discuss. Period!

To the residents of the historic district of Kitty City, where it all began so many years ago: why is it everyone thinks you are so evil?