At first I thought of going silent.

But then I thought, maybe I have something to share. Maybe people will pay attention. For those of you a day late and a dollar short, on Wednesday, I went to the doctor. My right elbow hurt, my right hand was numb and I had a painful muscle in my back.

Diagnosis: arthritis in elbow, bone spur in elbow, carpal tunnel in right hand and abnormality on the right lung.

I’ve been here before… it doesn’t end pretty.

Okay, that was Richard… and I am a different person.

Okay, so I’ve abused my body for almost four decades. If I would have know I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself. No, I wouldn’t have. I am a hedonist.

No one: nurse, doctor, PA or X-ray tech is pretending it is anything but cancer. There is a slim chance somewhere, but I am not going to go Pollyanna.

I’m not done mourning Richard.

Sorry, not ready to move on to the next reality.