It was a kind letter, reminding me that the anniversary of
Richard’s death is coming up. (Like I needed reminding.)
It gave eight points to get me through:
Forgive yourself: I have never told anyone this before, but
on Richard’s second to the last night at home; he was having a bad night. So
was I. He needed to get up once again. I was slow in helping. He wet himself and
the bed. I got mad. I yelled at him. If I could take that back… Fuck, the
things you say in one moment can hurt for an eternity.
Forgive your lost loved one: I have no reason to forgive
Richard.
Talk to people: A year later and I still can’t say it out loud.
And you want to talk to people? Get a grip on reality.
Crying is okay: thank god for that, because I still cry
every day. There is always some reminder of Richard, a reminder of what we had.
Tell a story: Amsterdam, le sud de France, Paris, Reykjavik,
Montréal, New Jersey, life with Saints, cats… so many stories. And the love he
showed me every day. Despite all my flaws, he still made me feel special.
Write a letter: I think that is what I am doing now.
Give permission: they say it is okay to move forward, that I need to give myself permission to move on. Permission to move on to what?
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1 comment:
Mac, this is a neat idea of sending something out to someone who has lost a loved one. I have never heard of it before. I cried as I read it though--Richard & special go together!
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