4:00 AM, Tuesday, May 26, 2015

I was awoken by the sound of a screaming cat. Max was on the bed with me, so you understand my natural confusion. He is usually the screaming cat.

Okay, this may come as a surprise to you, as I know you all think of me as a natural linguist with all the languages I speak, but Max is more fluent in Cat than I. He understood the urgency and was quick to jump out of bed and run to the living room door. I on the other hand waited for a handful more of urgent pleas before I drug my sorry ass out of bed.

When I arrived in the living room, it became obvious to me what a dire predicament we were facing. An imminent cat invasion was at hand. Outside the door was an adorable cat that seemed to want inside. But Tom, the first line of defense was adamant.

Okay, when I say “adorable”, please keep in mind that the cat outside the door couldn’t hold a candle to Max or Tom. So, Tom and Max, when you read this post, please keep in mind that you are much cuter and way more cuddly than that stray gray tabby that was trying to invade our home.

So, Tom saved our house from a horrific fate of having a third adorable cat in the house. Tom is my hero.

The peonies are making their annual show!

Their show is all too brief, but it reminds me why I love it here!

Farewell, Anne

Another favorite of mine is gone. I will miss you, Anne!

Pearl of wisdom: never get so ill as to need your insurance benefits.

What I wrote:

Dear [Insurance Company Agent],

Hope you day is going well.

I have received the audit that you ordered, which led me to realize that the reason I hadn't been reimbursed for all my mileage days was that you guys hadn't gotten all the information from the hospital/clinic. I requested that the hospital send the information directly to [Insurance Company], as I was going to be on vacation and didn't want a delay.

I received a check from [Insurance Company] today covering two weeks of chemotherapy and one week of radiation. I have now been paid for 5 weeks or radiation. It should be noted that I only had 3 or 4 weeks of radiation, depending on your definition. The last day, August 4, 2014, I went in for chemo, but was not well enough to receive it. I would understand the argument that I not be paid when I didn't receive it, and I haven't been paid for that week, however I was paid for July 17th and July 20th, neither of which is in a week that I had chemo. 

I have only been paid for 2 of 6 weeks of radiation. I assume that the hospital still didn't send the correct paperwork. Is there something special I should tell the hospital?

And transportation, which started this whole sordid affair: I still haven't been paid for my maximum. I assume, in part that this is due to the hospital not sending the correct information, but of the days I haven't received benefits, three of them (July 10, 17 and 31) are days that [Insurance Company] paid me benefits for chemotherapy or radiation. 

I am confused. Can you help?

Mac Cornelison

Policy number: [Policy Number].

What I wanted to write:

My dearest buttplug,

Thank you so much for ordering the audit of my long delayed benefits. You can hope, but I ain't dying until I've sucked every penny possible out of you! So what if part of it was my responsibility? I was on drugs and frankly, you should expect that. What is your excuse?

Once again, I requested that the effing hospital send you records. Apparently, they did!

I did receive a check from [Insurance Company] today, covering two weeks of chemo and one of radiation. It should be noted that I have now been paid by the bimbos in your claims department for five week of chemo and two of radiation. It is really fucking interesting as I only had 3 or 4 weeks of chemo, but 6 of radiation. WTF? (The three or four weeks ambivalence is due to my going in for chemo but unable to receive it, so does it count that I went in, or does your lame company only pay if I get it?)

And transportation, which started this whole sordid affair… there are days when I was specifically paid chemo or radiation benefits, but declined transportation. Do you think I took my fricking magic carpet in on those days.

Oh, and just so you know, I have sisters and I am not afraid to use them.

All my love,

Mac

Some earthmoving changes on the mountain!

I am joining the 21^st century.

First, I discontinued my Netflix account. Okay, that doesn’t qualify as entering the 21^st century, but I got suckered into Amazon Prime, and as they offer a very similar service that they are charging me for, I thought, why not? One less monthly charge to pay. Ca-ching! More cash for the Macster!

Second, I turned off the television. How 21^st century does it get? No, not just the set, but the entire satellite reception! I haven’t watched the tube in two months, and I can always hook up my laptop and watch a movie or see some other stuff off the internet. Double ca-ching! I am just rolling in the dough, and so totally hip I don’t know what to do with myself.

And here is the biggie! I called the phone company and I can turn off my landline phone and keep my internet service. So, this Friday, I will say good-bye to the lovable home phone I’ve had for 28 years! Adieu, rotary dial, cell phone service only for this cool cat! Ca-ching, ca-ching, ca-ching. Who thought being so modern and with-it could be so cheap?!?!

Now, about those cats with their nasty kitty litter fetish…

And to all you mothers, "Happy Mother's Day!"

And a tribute to Mother. Still miss you, after all these years!

Happy Birthday, dear sister

An amazing sister, but her waiting skills are limited!