Bonjour.

Je m’appelle Mac. J’étude la français, mais je ne parle pas la français tres bien. Il faut que je comprends la français quand je visite la France en l’été de 2010.

If you are totally unaware of the French language, the preceding paragraph could potentially be quite impressive. If you are unable to read, speak or write French, it is theoretically possible that you could think that the above paragraph is fine literature. You could think that I am an amazing linguist. (If you speak French, out of common courtesy, you will bite your tongue and nod your head, holding back all your emotions as you read your beloved tongue being bludgeoned.)

Richard and I are doing the Rosetta Stone French program in preparation for our 2010 excursion to France. [The agenda isn’t carved in stone yet, but we’re talking Paris to Bordeaux (or Biarritz) to Lourdes to Provence and back to Paris. But I digress.]

Before our last trip to Europe, Richard and I used the same program to learn Dansk and Nederlands (Richard, Danish; Mac, Dutch). They have improved the program immensely. In the new version you learn things that are potentially useful right away, unlike the old program. We spent our entire time in Europe looking for children jumping off picnic tables in a park. It was the only thing we knew how to chat about. I never learned how to say “Hello” or “Thank you” or “I need to pee!” in Dutch, but “Zijf youngen springen op de tafel,” rolls off my tongue. (Just a note to any of you traveling to Amsterdam: the Dutch people look at you a bit odd if you casually make that comment while walking through the Dam. Just hold it back, for your own good.)

Richard, of course, is motivated to learn French to avoid a repeat of the near “Pigs Feet” dining disaster of 2006. (“Pieds du Porc”. Yes it is obvious, but I panicked.)

Anyhow,
Au revoirs, mesdames et messieurs. Vous avez une bonne nuit!