Preparing for the annual All Saints Day festivities.

You think Halloween is a big deal? Pshaw! You try celebrating All Saints Day in this household.

First, it was decided that we needed to come up with a theme for the celebration. After all, all great parties have a premise, something all the guests can wrap their minds around and make an integral part of the carousing.

“All Saints: 24/7: 365: All the time,” was Trixie’s suggestion. While I fully understand that the phrase does aptly convey the reality of the situation, Richard and I were somewhat concerned about codifying the idea into protocol. Sorry Trix, not on our watch.

Spike suggested, “All Saints: Outside: Whatever the Weather: All Day”. While that is a wonderful idea and there are certainly aspects that Richard and I supported with all our hearts, the reality is not as promising. While Ralph and Trixie do lack opposable thumbs, the do have bodies built something like battering rams. We don’t want part of the post-party clean up to include replacing the back door. Damn, we like it, but it’s not workable. Thanks for the suggestion.

“All Saints: Quiet: Serene: All the Waking and Sleeping Hours”, was Richard’s suggestion. You should have seen Ralph eyes turn mean. If looks could have killed; well, let’s not go there. Dead in the water.

The Max started, “All Saints: Why the Hell Would We Spend a Full Day Celebrating Those Mangy, Flea-Infested Representatives of the Underworld? Why Would We Give Them a Day of Honor? Isn’t it bad Enough That We Have to Live Everyday in Close Quarters with These Odiferous, Foul-Smelling and Ill-Mannered Beasts? You Want Me to Join In a Fête For These Animals? Move On to the Next Contestant: Oh, and If I Hear That Goddamn Duck Call One Time Tomorrow, So Help Me, I Will Rip the Larynx Out of the Bastard Who Is Blowing into It. And If Anyone Picks Me Up and Dances Around the Room with Me While He Desperately Tries to Sing “Mighty Oregon”, So Help Me There Will Be Hell to Pay: All Saints Day, My [Expletive Deleted] [Expletive Deleted]. If Those [Expletive Deleted] Animals Did Anything Around the House Besides Shed Their [Expletive Deleted] Fur, I Might Be Impressed…” Max is still finishing his theme. It isn’t going to pass the muster, I’m sure. But it is possible that the Duck Call segment may pass Five to One if voted on separately.

I think you can begin to see the troubles we were having; little unity, many opposing ideologies.

I suggested something warm and fuzzy like, “All Saints: Peace on Earth: No More War: All Is Calm.” Everyone looked at me like I was a crack pot. Damn, this is a hard audience.

Finally Ralph spoke, “All Saints: Gluttony: Excess: All a Big, Bad Dog Wants.” The choice was unanimous. (I have a big, bad dog costume, don’t worry!)