Surgery is complete

I have one less adrenal gland, and four new scars. And they are going to be great scars, I just know it.

Oh, and I am blitzed out of my mind!

On the way to the Heights

At the corner of State and 9th, there is a house that always has a hand made sign in the yard. Often they are witty, sometimes poignant, other times informational. (The sign is the only way I knew that HRV won the state boys soccer championship.)

Today's sign was just funny!

"Dogs have masters. Cats have servants."

How true!

Road Trip: Day Two

The Astoria Column, in the glow of the morning light.

And just outside Astoria is Ft. Clatsop. For those of you somewhat history challenged, Ft. Clatsop is where Lewis & Clark wintered over.

 (Yes Jane, Lewis & Clark were a rock band who drove Route 66 to the west coast, but ran out of money, so had to hole up for a winter in a fort they built.)

And the beloved Gleneden Beach!

Tonight we are in Newport.

Road Trip!!! Road Trip!!!

Karla and I are on the road again. Today's destination: Long Beach, WA.

Visiting a store Karla and I remember from our childhood. 

And actually, we are spending the night in Astoria, Oregon.

Okay, the results are in.

It appears to be nearly unanimous. Everyone from my oncologist, to a couple of sisters, to some nieces, to a pair of anonymous people, to a certain orange cat with an amazingly boring power point presentation and to a co-worker or two: they were all in agreement. Seems it was just my radiologist and I who were holding out for the easy route.

I guess the easy route is under water at this point.

So, on Monday, November 30^th, I am putting all my eggs in one basket and trusting Dr. Aliabadi to gently take out my adrenal gland and the accompanying tumor.

Part of what made it a tough decision was the compassion and devotion that both Dr. Aliabadi and Dr. Seung exhibited. Either they both truly believe that their treatment is my best option, or they are really good used car salespeople with doctorates. Neither offered a free turkey if I signed up before Thanksgiving, so I’m guessing that they truly believe in their science.

And as for me, I wish I had that wild eyed innocence of two or three years ago. I wish I could look Richard in the eyes and truly believe it when I said, “We’re gonna beat this.”

But Richard, we aren’t going to beat this. The painting is on the wall. I get to visit you at St. Mary’s Cemetery and at night when I hug a pillow real tight. But that isn’t enough, and I don’t know if there is any more.

This summer… perhaps the last hurrah! Iceland, Tromsø, Talinn, Dubrovnik, Rome, Paris, Amsterdam, United Kingdom; join me if you dare!

Tom finally gave his advice.

Okay, it was a 149 slide power point presentation. It took 2 hours and 19 minutes. Tom is meticulous to a fault. There was no possible option not explored. He needs to work on his presentation, he droned on and on. Even I started to doze off. Karla was out before the second slide.

It seems he got through to Dr. Sanborn immediately. She takes calls from my cat before she does from me? She knows the intelligence structure, but not the power structure. I am the alpha male. Well, unless you count Max.

Okay, I meant to make this simple, not long and drawn out. I will not create a flow chart of power in this household. That is relatively unimportant. As Tom pointed out in slide 47 of the presentation, it is unflattering to me to do a flow chart, as I am fairly low down on the totem pole. (Okay, is “totem pole”  racist?)

Slide 71: is it 60% or 70%? Depends on the study and the time span looked at. Both are right, both are wrong. Use 65% if I need a number.

And slide 98: so brutal in its honesty. It doesn’t really matter if surgery is easier after radiation or if radiation is easier after surgery. If whatever I chose doesn’t work, there is no back-up except for palliative care. So I guess this is kind of an important decision.

Slide 114: surgery is no cake walk, but nothing like a year ago. Radiation, while it can have side effects, it easier that what I had last summer. I can’t really say as I had any problems last summer from radiation, other that some burns on my back. (I can’t see my back, I don’t care.)

Slide 136: Max on his knees begging me to do what is best for him. Although the sentiment is pure Max, the ‘on his knees’ bit is obviously photo shopped in. He believes in the might of the claw.

Slide 149: you might ask for input. Press “1” if your mantra is “Pull the plug, pull the plug!!!”, and you think doing nothing is the best option. Press “2” if you would like to see Mac go through the horrors of major surgery again. Press “3” if you think he should take the chicken-shit way out and go for radiation with less misery.

Operators are standing by.

There are no words

Lacking the Wisdom of Solomon

I turn to Tom for advice.

I went in today to be mapped for radiation. Have a totally cool body mold and 7 (yes, count them, 7) totally butch tattoos! I am so friggin macho I can’t stand it. I am the totally awesome dude your mother warned you about.  Babe magnet: that is me. (And that part is kind of annoying.)

Anyway, after the mapping extravaganza, Karla and I went to Powell’s Books and I sold a bunch of Richard’s esoteric book collection. Had to beat the chicks off with a rolled newspaper, but I made some money. It was pretty cool in my book.

From there we drove almost directly to Costco. Come on folks, I haven’t been there in 20 years and what is the difference between 138^th Street and 148^th Street, other than one doesn’t get you to Costco? One number off and somehow you end up in the wilds of Tanganyika!

So, were strolling through Costco, (and yes, I am having to beat off the enamored women with a stick) when suddenly my phone quacks. (It’s Oregon; it isn’t that odd for a phone to quack.)

It is Dr. Aliabadi, the surgeon who wants to rip out my adrenal gland. She says she heard the dark rumor that I had opted for radiation. She said she respected my decision but wanted to make sure I had all the correct facts. Surgery was successful 80% of the time. That was the per cent that Dr. Seung gave. But she said that radiation was only successful 60% of the time: Dr. Seung said 70%. She also said that she was fairly certain she could do the procedure laparoscopically, meaning only a couple of weeks off from life.

Add to that, Dr. Seung said that radiation would start the week after mapping. Turns out it will start the Monday after Thanksqiving.

Okay, Tom… the question is: are the evolving facts a game changer, or should I stick with Plan A?

He puts his paw and my forehead and sweetly purrs. “Go to bed, dear boy and I will tell you what to do in the morning.”

Okay, I toddle off to bed.

The decision has been made

I’m going to go to a chiropractor. They can cure anything.

I jest, but I mean no insult to the chiropractic industry. It was just a funny.

I have opted for radiation. I go in next Thursday for my mapping. That’s where they make this amazing mold of my body (trust me it will be destroyed after I am done) and give me more tattoos. I am going to look so damn bad with eight tattoos. I will fit in with the biker crowd like there is no tomorrow.

Great, now the Hood River Chiropractic Society is marching up my driveway with torches and pitchforks. They really are pissed off at my joke.

Excuse me, I have to save the cats! 

Tommy head butted me!

Hard.

“If you think for one friggin’ second I’m going to allow you to do nothing, you are dumber that you friends say!” He then jumped off the desk, ran into the bedroom and grabbed a quarter in his mouth. He dropped it in front of me.

“Heads radiation, tails surgery, those are your only choices.”

He had that steely look in his eyes that only a determined cat can get.

And the spinal stenosis trauma goes on.

First, for those of you who don’t know about yesterday, a quick rundown: I have to chose between doing nothing (not a fan favorite with my sisters), having surgery or radiation. Doing nothing is easy, with no down time, but the prognosis is grim. Having surgery has the highest success rate in getting rid of the tumor (80%), but comes with a 2 week to 2 month down time. Radiation (a special, high dose, directly focused variety) has a 70% success rate, but has basically no down time. There’s way more to the story, but even I am bored with it. I ain’t no Solomon. I’ll probably flip a coin to decide. Does anyone have a three sided coin I can toss?

Today reminded me why I like my doctors in Portland so much. No one was rude. No one spat on my face. No one called me a whiny little brat. But they lacked the compassion I have found in Portland and with my primary care physician here in Hood River.

The doctor thinks I may have some nerve damage. But, he knows where to start with the medicines and where to do the injections. And he wants me to have another nerve conductivity test! Damn, those are so much fun!!!

Now, I wait for insurance approval to set the appointments.

My new surgeon!

I have an appointment with her at 8:45AM at Providence Portland!

I like her already!

It's All Saints day

I take a moment to remember Claude and Hazel and Ralph and Trixie. The four greatest Saints of all time!

Just thoughts rumbling through my mind

Odd to ask, but rumbling made me think of Rambler, a car for my childhood, I wonder if anyone still owns one? Or are they extinct?

Okay, let me type it out loud, one more time. I have stage four lung cancer that has metastasized to my adrenal gland. I am skinny and weak and in pain most of the time.

Excuse me, but Max is on my lap now. I need to pet him. It is required by feline law.

Have I told you guys lately what a sweet cat Max is? Sure, he curses and says thing you wouldn’t want your kids to hear. And he is a bully. But his fur is so soft and he purrs so loud and long. Any of you would be lucky to have such a sweet cat!

Okay, back to the main story line: weak, skinny, pain.

I always thought I would die before I reached 30. I didn’t, but so many friends died about that age: Joe and Tom and Pete and Bob and Jim and Harry… all gone in the 80s. AIDS sucks the big one. It wreaked havoc on my psyche.

But here I am. I have out lived both Wayn and Richard. I wonder if they have pay phones in hell so I can call them. Maybe they can get a day pass and come visit me. Okay, odd musing from an agnostic. And no, hearing I am near death does not draw me closer to any god. Okay, maybe Thor, but only because he is so hot!

Enough of the gods, I ain’t looking for no god.

Max is back. I need to take another break to pet him. Soft fur and big purr; amazing cat!

Max has been with me through the last few years. He lost Ralph and Spike and Trixie and Richard, too. But still he purrs. I don’t think I could purr right now.

Back to the main story line: weak, skinny, pain.

I have no idea where I am going with this, probably nowhere.

But, I am ready for the next frontier, ready to face a new reality. Face to face with death. Oregon was slow to allow same sex marriage, but our Death With Dignity law gives me comfort.

Bring it on, I am ready!