Just thoughts rumbling through my mind

Odd to ask, but rumbling made me think of Rambler, a car for my childhood, I wonder if anyone still owns one? Or are they extinct?

Okay, let me type it out loud, one more time. I have stage four lung cancer that has metastasized to my adrenal gland. I am skinny and weak and in pain most of the time.

Excuse me, but Max is on my lap now. I need to pet him. It is required by feline law.

Have I told you guys lately what a sweet cat Max is? Sure, he curses and says thing you wouldn’t want your kids to hear. And he is a bully. But his fur is so soft and he purrs so loud and long. Any of you would be lucky to have such a sweet cat!

Okay, back to the main story line: weak, skinny, pain.

I always thought I would die before I reached 30. I didn’t, but so many friends died about that age: Joe and Tom and Pete and Bob and Jim and Harry… all gone in the 80s. AIDS sucks the big one. It wreaked havoc on my psyche.

But here I am. I have out lived both Wayn and Richard. I wonder if they have pay phones in hell so I can call them. Maybe they can get a day pass and come visit me. Okay, odd musing from an agnostic. And no, hearing I am near death does not draw me closer to any god. Okay, maybe Thor, but only because he is so hot!

Enough of the gods, I ain’t looking for no god.

Max is back. I need to take another break to pet him. Soft fur and big purr; amazing cat!

Max has been with me through the last few years. He lost Ralph and Spike and Trixie and Richard, too. But still he purrs. I don’t think I could purr right now.

Back to the main story line: weak, skinny, pain.

I have no idea where I am going with this, probably nowhere.

But, I am ready for the next frontier, ready to face a new reality. Face to face with death. Oregon was slow to allow same sex marriage, but our Death With Dignity law gives me comfort.

Bring it on, I am ready!