Define "Truth in Advertising"

As I was driving home from work today, listening to the advertisements on the radio station, I was struck by the totally unbelievable claims.(I know, old school. I should have been madly texting on my I-pod while getting down to rappy-type-music on my boysenberry!)

Are there people who really are desperate enough to try this crap?

First, there was the “natural supplement” that would take 15 to 20 pounds of troublesome fat off your belly in two weeks, without you having to starve yourself or do any tiring exercises. Wow, this sounds so totally healthy! (Has anyone checked to see if meth does the same thing?) And, to sweeten the deal, they would send you a month’s supply “FREE OF CHARGE!!!” Okay, maybe I’m cynical, but if it is a natural supplement and does what they claim, why do they have to give it away? And if it’s suppose to work in two weeks, why do the send you a month’s supply? Is there a detail I missed?

Then there was the credit counselor, who will get you debt free in 2 years, no matter how close you are to bankruptcy, using just the money you earn now. Yes, pay off your cars, your 30-year mortgage, your student loans and your thousands of dollars worth of credit card bills. In two years! I thought about doing the math, but I was afraid it would destroy the magic for me. The only thing I could think of was that the counselor would instruct you to open a warehouse to hold white children being inducted into the lucrative sex-slave industry. You really wouldn't "earn" any more money.

But, for the coup de grâce, there was the miracle cream that took 20 years off your face in three days. This one, of course was targeted at the female audience. Like there aren’t a whole bunch of men who would use this cream, if it worked, with eagerness and glee? We’d just be macho and buy it by the truckload. With that said, the whole idea of putting something astringent enough to accomplish that small feat, on my tender skin, scares the bejesuses out of me. And, not to be outdone by the “natural supplement”, the miracle cream was giving a free month’s supply also! It works in 3 days… why a month? Is it opiate based?

Maybe I’ll just read the newspaper as I drive home from work!