Dear Alaska

Right now, it is warmer in Anchorage, Alaska than it is in Hood River, Oregon.

I do not mean to disparage the fine residents of Alaska who gave us that beloved whack-job, Sarah Palin, but I think I speak for all Oregonians when I say, “Give us back the warm weather you stole from us, you Fahrenheit nabbing freaks!”

Thank you. We’ll expect delivery by 3:00PM.