Before anything else is stated, I need to categorically deny the recent accusations against me personally, and my household in general. I am not now, nor have I ever been a member of any anti-cat movement or party, nor have I actively taken in part in any anti-cat activities or festivals. I have never knowingly associated with any anti-catists nor do I believe in any of the basic tenets of anti-catism. To the best of my knowledge, all members of my household can make the same statement without perjuring themselves.
It is unfortunate that I feel the need to make such a statement, but due to the recent slanderous accusations that have been made against myself, and my household, it is imperative that I set the record straight. Apparently, someone (with a heavy “Mad-Cat” accent) called the local ASPCA branch (and repeated the call to the Oregon Chapter of PETA) to lodge a six-fold complaint against me and my household. The complainant claimed:
#1. An innocent feline is being held captive, without his consent, in a tiny house with no access to fresh air or the out-of-doors.
#2. The poor, blameless cat is being forced to live on store-bought cat-food, water and a few pre-packaged “cat” treats per day.
#3. The mistreated, but adorable kitten, is forced to cohort with large, unsavory canines, totally against his will and against all common sense. The generously proportioned dogs do things that, well, the complainant couldn’t bring himself to mention over the phone.
#4. When the cute little cuddly tom tries to talk to his jailors about the deplorable conditions he is forced to live in, he is often physically tossed of the bed.
#5. When trying to get exercise in the cramped environments the adorable little bundle of fur is forced to survive in, he is often yelled at, even pushed off, while strolling along the kitchen counters.
#6. The catnip provided is totally unsatisfactory. There is no chance of catching a buzz off the inferior crap that is offered.
Okay, lets cut through the doo-doo. This can only be referred to this as fur-mongering (similar to fear-mongering, only fluffier.) And there is only one “person” I know of who could have made the call. Damn speed dialing. I should have been suspicious when Max asked me to put ASPCA at #1 so he could “call to see if there were poor animals who needed a good home.” I am such a sucker.
So when the ASPCA or PETA contacts you, I just ask that you tell them the following, “To the best of my knowledge, Mac is not now, nor has he ever been a member of an anti-cat movement or party, nor has he actively taken in part in any anti-cat activities or festivals. As far as I know, he has never knowingly associated with any anti-catists nor does he believe in any of the basic tenets of anti-catism.”
It is unfortunate that I feel the need to make such a statement, but due to the recent slanderous accusations that have been made against myself, and my household, it is imperative that I set the record straight. Apparently, someone (with a heavy “Mad-Cat” accent) called the local ASPCA branch (and repeated the call to the Oregon Chapter of PETA) to lodge a six-fold complaint against me and my household. The complainant claimed:
#1. An innocent feline is being held captive, without his consent, in a tiny house with no access to fresh air or the out-of-doors.
#2. The poor, blameless cat is being forced to live on store-bought cat-food, water and a few pre-packaged “cat” treats per day.
#3. The mistreated, but adorable kitten, is forced to cohort with large, unsavory canines, totally against his will and against all common sense. The generously proportioned dogs do things that, well, the complainant couldn’t bring himself to mention over the phone.
#4. When the cute little cuddly tom tries to talk to his jailors about the deplorable conditions he is forced to live in, he is often physically tossed of the bed.
#5. When trying to get exercise in the cramped environments the adorable little bundle of fur is forced to survive in, he is often yelled at, even pushed off, while strolling along the kitchen counters.
#6. The catnip provided is totally unsatisfactory. There is no chance of catching a buzz off the inferior crap that is offered.
Okay, lets cut through the doo-doo. This can only be referred to this as fur-mongering (similar to fear-mongering, only fluffier.) And there is only one “person” I know of who could have made the call. Damn speed dialing. I should have been suspicious when Max asked me to put ASPCA at #1 so he could “call to see if there were poor animals who needed a good home.” I am such a sucker.
So when the ASPCA or PETA contacts you, I just ask that you tell them the following, “To the best of my knowledge, Mac is not now, nor has he ever been a member of an anti-cat movement or party, nor has he actively taken in part in any anti-cat activities or festivals. As far as I know, he has never knowingly associated with any anti-catists nor does he believe in any of the basic tenets of anti-catism.”
Thank you for your support.
Yeah, Max is innocent!
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