The Competition Warms Up

January 24, 2009

Dear Mr. & Mrs. Holiday Inn,

Bedwarmer Extraordinaire: yes, that is I. If you want your hotel to be swankier than the competition, you need the best bedwarmer money can buy. Excusez-moi, mais c’est moi.

Don’t be fooled by other self-proclaimed ‘bedwarmers’. They are inferior Brand X. I’ve seen your last applicants, Max and Trixie, at work. Your guests will be chilled by their very presence. I am the bedwarmer you are looking for.

I don’t come cheap, but the best seldom does. Just know that I am worth the investment.

Send me your best offer.

Warm regards,

Ralph