Random Notes for the Betterment of Physical Therapy.

I have been in Physical Therapy for four long, horrific days, and as such feel that I am uniquely and abundantly qualified to critique the entire industry and in particular some of the outdated business principles that seem to be rampant in the Physical Therapy community. The gloves are coming off.

Let’s start with the title, “Physical Therapy”. Don’t you think that it is just a tad wordy and difficult to spell; a bit over the top for the hoi polloi? Add to that, the obvious confusion between Physical Therapy and Psychotherapy and the average Joe is utterly confused. (The confusion has nothing to do with his six-pack.) He can’t spell it, he can’t pronounce it and he has no idea if Physical Therapy is actually going to relieve the pain or merely assign blame for the hurt. There is a lot of energy wasted because of the obfuscate terminology used, and we all know that wasted energy is bad for the environment. So, Physical Therapy is bad for the planet. It’s time to come up with a shortened and more broadly understood term to represent and define the industry. Do it for the Polar Bears, please.

And while I’m on a roll, has anyone in the Physical Therapy industrial machine ever heard of ‘instant gratification’. I hate to sound bitter and vindictive, but I drag my sorry old ass into your office, plop down a wad of cash (or proof of insurance, as the case may be) and you hand me a list of exercises to do, tell me to come back in a week to “see if I’m any better” and send me on my way. Excuse me, but I just gave you a cash infusion. Why am I the one who has work to do? Shouldn’t you have some machine that does the exercises for me and gives me the pain-free benefits immediately? If Physical Therapy is so all-fired beneficial, why did I leave your office in as much pain as I entered 45 minutes earlier? Have you ever heard of drugs? Drugs can be used to alleviate pain, by either numbing every body part below the neck, or every body part above the neck. The choice would have been yours, but the relief would have been mine.

Oh, and while we’re at it, a touch of realism wouldn’t hurt Physical Therapy one bit. I was given a list of 60 different moves to make twice a day and was told it would take 10 minutes each day. Getting down on the ground and back up (which is required for all of these sweet exercises), requires fourteen minutes of my time, and most of my energy. And you want me to do it twice a day. Do the math, folks. I’m nearing a half hour and haven’t done even one of the moves yet. And that cute-silver-ball-that-is-just-slightly-larger-than-the-cab-of-my-pick-up that you sent home with me? “Great Saint toy”, that’s all I can say.

I do hate to admit it, but when all is said and done, Physical Therapy actually seems to be working. There are just a couple of rough edges that need to be honed, and it could be a respectable industry.