Another test in my back pocket!

It’s a beautiful Thursday in Portland, Oregon. The sun is shining, it’s something like 75° and I am snugly settled into my hotel room for the night. I try not to think of the havoc that Max and Tom are likely wreaking at home. Some things are better left unimagined.

So, I had my pulmonary function test today. I studied hard, brought a package of #2 pencils, a note pad and some discretely stenciled crib notes. I was really hoping it was a multiple choice test, but was fully prepared for true/false, or even the dreaded essay exam.

Imagine my surprise when I was placed in a glass cubicle with a bunch of hoses and tubes and nozzles and other paraphernalia imposing on my already limited personal space. I wasn’t sure where to put my pad of paper or my pencils.

The kindly technician then explained that I was going to be asked to do some breathing exercises and would be judged on my ability to do all sorts of trick breathing techniques.

I turned ashen and started to sweat. I hadn’t thought along those lines at all. Crap, is it inhale, exhale, exhale, inhale, hold breath, pass out… or is it exhale, exhale, exhale, big breath in, swallow hard… or exhale, inhale, inhale exhale, bow to your corner, exhale again.

But I survived. I have no idea what anything meant, but I didn’t pass out. So I count it as a stunning success!