"large right apical lung mass, susp for malignancy"

I’m not sure it’s such a good thing that I can just cut and paste from my medical records online.

But I can, and I do.

Although some may question the wisdom, I can also diagnose my condition online.

And between bouts of wallowing in self pity and beating myself up for being such a dumbfuck, (trust me, it ain’t pretty in my head right now) I have spent much time self-diagnosing online.

My money is on a Pancoast tumor. Okay, I’m not betting the farm, but it seems pretty right:

"Although a Pancoast tumor is a lung tumor, it rarely causes symptoms that are typically related to the lungs (eg, cough, chest pain).

The initial symptom is pain in the shoulder, inner part of the scapula (large, triangular, flattened bone that lies over the ribs on the back), or both.

The pain may later extend to the inner side of the arm, elbow and the pinky and ring fingers.

The associated pain is severe and constant, often requiring narcotic pain medications for relief." 

Okay, I won’t say I don’t have a cough, but it really is minimal compared to my cough of a couple of years ago, and I have no chest pain. 

It all started with pain in the back and elbow (but I do have some extenuating conditions in my elbow), then the numbness in my hand, mimicking carpal tunnel.

And yes, I scored big with some narcotic pain pills. I’m not going to take one until after my 2:30 doctor’s appointment. I’d kind of like to be there for that appointment.